Friday, June 26, 2009

grease the pain away

wow guys.
after a long week of model bros and returning to my "job" i am EXHAUSTED.
all i want is for someone to clean my apt for me, "cook me dinner," (boiled water & diet coke), and nip/tuck me into bed...

unfortunately that ain't happening, (alone again), so i thought i'd tell you guys some very important stuff: recently i have rediscovered a product so perfect, so useful and SO cheap, i couldn't keep it from you.
BABY OIL.
it's amazing, you guys. the uses are endless:

1. use it as a make-up remover. (just put some on a cotton ball and wipe away)! its more effective and gentler than any expensive "make-up remover" ive tried.
2. use it as your shampoo, conditioner, and/or "styling product" for a chic greasy look.
3. cook w/it. your food will taste bad so you'll eat less.
4. use it as a moisturizer! why do you think babies have such soft skin...? it's especially great when you have a "hot date." before you meet, COVER your body in baby oil (it needs to be coming through your clothes). you'll look greasy aka sexy, which will make your date wanna "do it" w/you.
5. run out of Chanel no. 5? no problem! buy a spray-bottle of baby oil and use as perfume. (cheaper and chicer)
6. wash your dishes w/it. shit will slide right off.
7. shine your shoes w/it! (unpolished shoes=end of civilization).
8. use it to H8 CRIME someone!!! pick a person you h8 and sneak into their apt/house and spread baby oil all over their bathroom/kitchen floor so they slip and fall ;)
9. boys: use it as shaving cream AND after shave; if your FACE smells like a BABY, do you think girls will be able to resist kissing it? (i heard all girls have "crazy" hormones that make them want babies so this is a sure thing).
10. if one of yall has a babie i think you can rub this on its butt after it poops.

1 comment:

  1. picture #8 was me wednesday AND thursday. thursday i spilled diet coke on a fat man's head!! he told me that just how jesus forgives our sins, he (& i presume also jesus) forgives me for spilling a coke on him. then he told me he would give me a "very generous tip" because he is "a christian" and we live in a "fallen world" & then he gave me like 18% it really wasn't anything that great

    ReplyDelete