Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Swine

hey guys. sorry ive been neglecting yall but ive been sick all week. so sick, that i had to go to the HOSPITAL and wear an fing MASK! (How rude). the docs tested me for everything--strep throat, tuberculosis, scabies, rabies, AIDS-but i dont need a doctor to tell me what i have or how i got it, because i know that i got The Swine Flu.

it all started on friday:

on my way home from Boone i stopped at the McDonalds in Wilkesboro to "get an iced mocha." i was really curious about this new "McCafe" concept.

so i park my car and go inside. i get my iced mocha- which is served hot, in a clear plastic cup, LOL- and walk to my car. i get in, take a sip of my drink, turn the key, and 

Ooooooooohmygawd

my car won't start! i try again. nothing. again. NOTHING.

i panic. 

i call my dad (duh).

im SURE that he can help me because he's a Mechanic


and im Just a Girl 


so this whole thing can be solved in a really obvious, simple way. 

"Tea, turn the key clockwise." 

but he can't help. all he can do is drive all the way to WILKESBORO from CHAPEL HILL and fix my car/ take me home. so till then i'm stuck at McDonald's with nothing to do for about 3 hours. (thank god it's my fave restaurant)!

so obviously i make a scene.

i walk back into that McDonald's looking as "pouty" and "helpless" as possible, and im like, "hey you guys...?" (winy, baby voice-think Cher).


"my car wont start...can somebody help me?" (magic words).

"ok, ma'am don't worry we'll send someone out there." 

so i go outside and in about a minute im met by 3 McBoys who are going to "fix my car." one of them is apparently a Mechanic as well so he's in my car trying to start it, meanwhile the other boys are "comforting" me, asking me if they can get me anything, etc. (youve got to look like you're on the verge of tears/making out and boys immediately want to "save" you). 

"well...do you know where i could get some magazines?"

anyway the "mechanic" decides to jump(?) my car or something, so he takes these cables and attaches them to this thing inside my car and to the same type of thing inside his car, (its like our cars were "doing it" or something) but that doesn't work either. and by that time some McGirl comes out and makes all the McBoys come back in because apparently they're still "on the clock" or something.

so whatever. i go back to McD's, sit in the most visible place (demand the most attention) and look as sad/worried as possible till the McFreeDrinks start coming over. and by the time my dad comes i know the entire McCafe menu.

i go to bed full of love and caffeine but i wake up full of the Swine Flu. and I KNOW where it came from. 


1 comment:

  1. sick of all these fashion mags talking about "Fashion at Every Age" and "Looking Great at Every Age". my dad is the CEO of Dillards' and i think ladies should just accept that at age ~29 they have to start shopping there

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