halloween (HALLOWEEN) is my favorite holiday.
like, its brilliant. when youre a kid you get to eat FREE CANDY and look inside the homes of strangers.
when youre a teenager you get to dress like a slut without your parents getting mad at you.
and when youre old you get to scare your neighbor's kids & poison their candy.
the only problem i have with halloween is picking out a costume. i went as a [Teenage Mutant Ninja] Turtle when i was 5 and it just went downhill after that.
im determined to have a good costume this year, even if italians dont celebrate halloween. (they technically celebrate halloween but they also technically have health care).
i think that coming up with the perfect costume is rly difficult because it has to show:
1) your creativity and 'enthusiasm for halloween.'
2) your apathy/lack of time to commit to a costume bc 'who the hell cares.'
3) that youre 'ready 2 party.'
4) that youre 'ready 2 put out' (candy).
5) your knowledge of 'pop culture.'
6) your distaste for pop culture via 'making fun' of what you're going as.
7) how 'insightful' you are via 'making social commentary' through your costume.
8) that you know enough about the world/humanity to pick a costume most people will recognize and smart people will appreciate.
this is important, you guys. like, i hate it when people go as something nobody gets except for the stupid people they're going out with. (like some totally obscure Star Wars character).
in fact, i hate people who go as anything from the past. like, wow, you and your friends are going as the Scooby Doo characters? how innovative!
going as something from the present/future is essential, but its tricky. for example, nobody should go as Sookie and Bill.
like, thats a good start, because that shows youre informed about True Blood [life] but it also shows that you dont actually watch it-if you did, youd go as Sookie and Eric.
if you really watched it youd go as Sookie and Eggs.
but if you reeeaaallly watched it you wouldn't go as a True Blood character because youd know its cliche.
anyway, in addition to the previous 8 rules, girls have an additional few. your costume needs to be:
10) 'sexy' and/or 'hot.'
11) something you can walk home in the next day.
good girl costume ideas are:
1) a slutty Michelle Obama
2) a slutty Marge Simpson (via Playboy)
3) a slutty Suri Cruise
ps- if you go as Lady Gaga i am deleting you from facebook, twitter, life, etc.