Sunday, November 29, 2009

It's My Party And I'll Be Cliche If I want To

It's almost December which means one thing:

MY. BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's right, folks. Your Blogging SuperstarYour Fashion IconYour Biggest Crush, Tea Hacic-Vlahovic, was born on December 20th, 1987, 

on a Snowy Night,

in a Quaint Hospital,

in Zagreb, Croatia.

Birthdays and Birthplaces can tell you a lot about someone. For example, 

Being born in Zagreb means that:

1) I can hold my liquor.
As my Dad always tells me, "there's nothing Alcohol can't fix." (Ok he doesn't but I'm sure he would if Croatian Dads talked to their children).

There are no clothes in Zagreb. There is Only Snow

3) I have Progressive Political Views.

(I'm good at sharing).

Being born on December 20th means that:

1) I'm a "cheap date."

When your Birthday is within 5 days of Christmas, Friends and Family think it's O.K. to COMBINE your Birthday and Christmas presents instead of buying you presents for both occasions separately!!!

This is F'd up and has affected me a lot, both emotionally and mentally. Getting Combined Birthday/Christmas Presents is why, today, I dont expect anything. From anybody. Ever. I'm satisfied with the "bare minimum," because THATS what I'm used to. This has affected what I eat (nothing) what I wear (Upim) and who I date (nobody). 

2) I Dont [Birthday] "Party." 
Having  a Birthday within 5 days of Christmas means you don't get a Birthday Party. 

While kids in my school were getting their lockers decorated with wrapping paper and bows and walking to class with balloons and having Haus Parties or even SURPRISE Parties on their Birthdays, I spent mine locked in my cold dark room, alone and depressed.

Why? Because there IS no school on December 20th and therefore no locker decoration. Because people are with their Families on December 20th via it being "the holidays" and therefore not planning a Birthday Party for Tea Hacic-Vlahovic. And because I never had any friends. 

3) I am a Sagittarius. 
This means I am "Enthusiastic, Blunt and Sincere." 

aka "annoying"

It means that I am "friendly and generous to everybody." 

aka "easy"

It means that I have a "hard time being committed to one person" 

...and will therefore "marry very late in life, if ever." 

that's one way to put it.

(More riveting information---> here). 

ANYway, I'm writing a list of things I want for my Birthday. Things my Friends and Family [yall] will buy for me and send to my Home In Italy.


1) New Shoes.

I've ruined ALL of my heels via the ground in Milan being made of "Cobblestone" aka "Bullshit" and my school campus being made of even Smaller Fing Cobblestones. 

The Heels on my Shoes look like chewed up apple cores.

2) New Makeup.
If I must remind yall again; my makeup has been stolen. My "replacement" [Impostor] Rimmel Brand makeup I bought at a Chinese Supermarket will only tide me over for so long. So get me anything by Chanel 

or Dior

and I'll keep following you on Twitter. 

3) Easy Mac.

4) Flamin' Hot Cheetos.

5) Starbucks Double Shots.

6) King Cobra 40 oz.

7) A One-Way Ticket.

Back to America. If each of yall pitch in a few bucks I'm sure you can make it.

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