Friday, November 20, 2009


This Website has been Temporarily Hijacked by the Milano Police Department. 

We need your help with an investigation.

Last night a BRAND NEW Estee Lauder Powder Compact, 

Lancome Mascara 

and tube of Revlon Red Lipstick have been STOLEN from an INNOCENT GIRL.

La Sacrestia, Via Conchetta 20,  Milano, Italy. 
November 20, 2009.

"La Sacrestia" is a Quaint Bar by the Navigli known for hosting "Vice Dance Parties" every Thursday night. These Dance Parties feature Alternative Rock Music and American Hip-Hop Classics. Young People in Milan sometimes attend these parties if they 1) think they are "underground" 2) want to see Chloe Sevigny or 3) have no money.

Name: Tea Hacic-Vlahovic
Gender: Unclear
Age: 21
Race: Croatian
Citizenship: AMERICAN!
Hight: 5'7"
Weight: Very Low
Occupation: Student
Sign: Sagittarius

Nobody is free from investigation at this time--This crime was NOT random--this crime was a PERSONAL ATTACK on Tea Hacic-Vlahovic. We know this because of the nature of the crime--her ID, money and Ipod were left untouched--only her makeup was taken. 

By only taking Tea's makeup the criminal obviously 1) is jealous of Tea via wanting her to be ugly 2) really knows Tea via knowing how to really hurt her via knowing whats "most important to her" and "taking it away."

The Milano Police also know this was not the work of just one person. What happened to Tea last night was Big--A Conspiracy--A Sabotage

It can all be proven through the surveillance videos.

12:00 AM-November 20th, 2009:
Tea and her friend NoAmy HenriQuez can be seen entering the bar. They go downstairs and see that nobody is there via it being "too early." They look at how much money they have. Not enough for Cocktails. They order shots.

12:05 AM:
NoAmy and Tea begin to dance. Their dancing is good. They are good dancers.

12:30 AM: 
The DJ is BUYING THEM DRINKS because their dancing is so FING GOOD.

(Note: This is suspicious via "Single Ladies" never getting free drinks in Milan. This DJ was obviously up to something. He wanted Tea and NoAmy to be as "disoriented" as possible in order to make them Easy Targets 4 Crime).

Shady Disk Jokey: Suspect #1

1:00 AM:
Tea and NoAmy have had a few drinks. They are still dancing and now more people are around them. They have made some friends. They are dancing with boys. 

One boy takes Tea's jacket and puts it on the couch. (Note: This is also suspicious. Boys don't talk to Tea and they certainly never do things for her).

Dancing Boy: Suspect #2

1:30 AM:
Tea and NoAmy go outside. They are talking. They are laughing. Everything is O.K. 

NoAmy aka "NoNo" HenriQuez: Suspect # 3 

2:00 AM:
Tea and NoAmy are still outside. Tea is leaning on a car. She looks happy. She sees her friend Francesco. He has come to talk to her. 

2:05 AM:
Francesco is telling Tea to "get her coat," because its "too cold outside" for Tea's "T-shirt and hot pants." (What)? 

2:06 AM:
Francesco is also claiming that the place is "closing," and again advises Tea to "get her coat." Tea doesn't feel cold and is sure the place will stay open but she assumes that Francesco is trying to "help her." (Note: This is suspicious and Tea should have known better-nobody tries to help anybody in Milan).

2:15 AM:
Tea retrieves the Coat with Francesco and then he disappears.

Francesco Merlini: Suspect #4

2:30 AM:
Tea is leaning against a different car and "talking to a friend." Tea Looks Cool. She is feeling happy, confident and beautiful.

2:35 AM:
Tea has just fallen down. How did this happen? She was just standing up! 

2:40 AM:
Tea is feeling embarrassed, self-conscious and alone. Tea is not having fun anymore. She decides to leave. 

2:45 AM:
Tea is walking to the McDonalds on Pta Ticinese.

Ronald McDonald: Suspect #5

2:50 AM:
Tea is Calling a Taxi.

Taxi Driver: Suspect #6

3:00 AM:
Tea discovers that her makeup is missing.

Tea Hacic-Vlahovic: Suspect #7

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