Monday, December 21, 2009


Sunday was my 22nd birthday. I spent it with my mom. She took me to see the new Twilight Movie

(brilliant. cried when he left Bella in the woods).
and bought me the new Lady Gaga CD.
In the evening I celebrated via watching Comedy Central and eating JIF Peanut Butter out of the jar.
My Birthday was riveting, obviously. But the best part was my Facebook Birthday Turnout.
Your "Facebook Birthday Turnout" applies to the ~30 hours surrounding your Time Of Birth (there's some lee-way if some of your Facebook Friends live in different time zones). Your FBT depends on how many people, WITHIN THOSE RESTRICTED HOURS, wish you a "Happy Birthday" through your Facebook Account. This applies to Facebook Wall Comments, Relevant Links, Virtual Gifts, or PMs, aka "Private Messages." (Or in Gea's case, PMPMs, or "Post Modern Private Messages").
I am Giorgia. I am Post Modern.
Your FBT is very important for Your Image because in addition to showing people how many friends you have, it also shows how many people admire, respect, are jealous of and/or want to "do it" with you.
I had a very impressive FBT this year and it got me thinking:
Whats appropriate Facebook Birthday Behavior?
When and how should you wish someone “Happy Birthday” on their facebook page, if at all?
Unless you are "related" to that person, are "close friends" with that person, are "dating" or "doing it" with that person, it's sometimes hard to tell what's "appropriate."
Yall have all been there--You turn on your computer.

You connect to the internet. You check Perezhilton,
This Blog and then your Facebook. You check your Notifications.
That cute boy you met in the Computer Lab commented on your profile picture! He wrote "Che Figa!" You dont know what that means but he added a smiley face. He likes you.
Then you check the rest of your homepage. That creep keeps poking you!
(Poke him back-beggars can't be choosers).
That Christmas Party is coming up! (Good thing you've got that Post-Modern-Neo-Classicist-Ironic-via-not-being-Ironic Sweater)!
And, oh, look, it's Tea Hacic-Vlahovic's birthday!
You ask yourself, "OMG! Should I write something? And if I do, what should I write? Tea's so cool, will she think I'm cool if I write to her? Or will she think I'm more cool if I DONT write to her via "not caring?" Should I try to write something cool/interesting to try to impress Tea or should I just bathe her in compliments so that she likes me? Are Tea and I close enough for a Birthday Wall Post? Has our relationship "gone there" yet? Or are we TOO close for a wall post? Should I write her a private message? WHAT DO I DO?!"
There need to be some rules. And I'm gonna make them clear.
Wall Posts via Comments is the easiest/least intimate way to wish someone a "Happy Birthday" via Facebook. Birthday Wall Comments are appropriate for everyone-from people you never talk to to people you live with.
You should ALWAYS leave someone a Facebook Wall Comment on their birthday if:
1) You are related to them.

Vanja Vlahovic Happy early birthday. I'm thinking of you. Hope you have a great Sunday and xmas. Love you! Vanja

Vanja Vlahovic gave you a charity gift.
Blue-footed Booby
Because of this gift, funds to protect the blue-footed booby and other wildlife were donated through WWF (World Wildife Fund / World wide Fund for Nature).
Vanja is my cousin. Her post shows that she's thinking of me, via saying that she's thinking of me. This post is also good for her image because she sent me a "charity gift" via showing that she's "charitable." But I'll cover "Gift Sending" more a little later.
2) You are their friend.
I dont got all day to get into something as "deep" as the concept of "friendship" so for the sake of me "not wasting time" we'll agree on "Friends" being defined as people you [regularly] talk to and/or see and [mostly] like.
Linda Li you better be celebratin like a redneck!!!!!!!!! :D Happy birthday!!!
Linda LI is my Best Friend. Her post shows that she really "knows me" via knowing I'm currently "around rednecks" via "growing up" in the same town with me. Linda doesn't need to write much because our love is "stronger than that."
Emily Schreck Your bithday is the 20th?! I couldve sworn it was the 26th.. Worst bff/roomie EVER. If I knit u something will u wear it? A cowl is chic right?
Emily Schreck was my roommate for 2 years at Appalachian State University, where we grew to "love each other." Emily's post shows that she "cares about me" via being really upset about not knowing the day of my birthday. She then brings up the fact that we were/are "Bffs/roommies" to show other people that her and I are very "close." (Good for her image as well as mine). She then brings up the fact that she'll make me something which shows other people that SHE is a good friend and that I am "worth it." Finally she brings up the fact that I'm really chic via asking me if something is chic. An overall brilliant post.
Cynthia V B Happy Birthday MY LOVE
Cynthia is my "Slavic Sister" I also met at ASU. We bonded over our Love of Diners and Hatred of Men. Being Slavic, she is "no nonsense" and therefore wrote me a short, straightforward post. Her post shows that she really loves me via capitalizing the words "MY LOVE" which are referring to ME.
Michelle Dragon Grasty You were born, and that is proably the biggest gift to the world. I wish I had your number so I could call you and tell you Happy Birthday, but I do love and adore you and I'm hoping you have the most incredible day. xoxoxoxo
Michelle is another one of my "American College Friends." She's always been very supportive of me. In this post Michelle is just being completely honest and irony-free, like when she says "You were born, and that is probably the biggest gift to the world." So true. Thanks, Michelle.
Chad C. DeHartchuck Tea! Happy Birthday! I hope your birthday was fantastic! I've been stranded in DC for the past three days because of the snow storm! The study aboard program in Japan was great! Have a great holiday season (your blog is fabulous by the way!)!!!!!
I used to have Math Class with Chad. Chad is a great kid because he understands the logistics of Self-Promotion and Image-Building via Facebook Comments. Here he is not only promoting his own image via mentioning that he studied abroad in Japan (very cool) but he also tells me and all of my FB friendz that my blog is fabulous. Which it is.
Claudia Pellerano Helu Heeyyy!! happy b-day!!! lots of blessings! have fun tonight!!! xoxo
I met Claudia on the plane from Madrid to Boston just a few days ago. She sat in the window and I had the aisle. Claudia lives in Spain and told me I could come visit her. She also let me borrow her laptop to watch "September Issue" while she slept next to me. We bonded over airplane food and the concept of only packing "Going Out Clothes" on any/every trip. Claudia's post is great because it implies that I'm going to be doing something "fun" on the night of my birthday, which implies that I'm a "fun" person.
Victoria Melvin happy birthday you skinny bitch!!
Victoria is my sister's best friend. Note that my sister DIDN'T write me a comment but Victoria did. Victoria's post is great because it implies that she thinks that I'm skinny. Thanks, V.
3) You are/were "involved" with them "romantically."
This is tricky because it depends on how "serious" your "relationship" is/was with this person and if/how it ended. If you are an EX-GF or BF you should only write something if yall are still on "good terms" or if you "want them back," though that may be better for a PM, especially if you're "seeing someone else now" and "dont want to get in trouble."
If this is a current "relationship," you don't want to seem too clingy/romantic if you've only been "seeing" this person for a few weeks. And you don't want to seem "cold" if you've been with them for years. (Unless it's meant to be ironic). This is difficult and I'm not going to try to give yall advice via not knowing what "normal" behavior is in this situation.
Suddenly Goku happy birthday, you beautiful, trashy thing
Suddenly Goku, aka Matt George is a boy I used to be "involved" with. We are "close friends" now and we often "interact" via Facebook. This post is a good example of "Passive-Agression" via "Being an Ex-Boyfriend" mixed with "Good Intentions" via "still being totally in love with me." (Via saying I'm beautiful but also saying I'm "trashy").

These are usually only appropriate for people who "know you" well enough to send you something relevant. Like, they need to know you well enough to at least send you something they know you will like/appreciate. Otherwise it makes them look stupid.

Jagh Vincent Oz Guten Anniv!

Jagh knows me via being one of my Favorite Dance Partners. He knows that I know that he's Swiss and therefore sent me Virtual Swiss Food for my Birthday. He also knows me well enough to know that I don't eat real food which makes this very appropriate.

NoAmy HenriQuez HAPPY BIRTHDAY LADY!!! Ok, scratch "mr.president" and insert: "T-Bunny" ;]

for this song!!! Hope your having a blast, a 40oz and lots of amoreeeeeee
Marilyn Monroe canta "Happy Birthday" al Mr President Kennedy

Noamy aka NoNo knows me very well via going to school with me and "hanging out" with me on a daily basis and via being one of my suspected Makeup Thieves. She knows me well enough to know that my name is NOT Mr. President and that I enjoy 40 oz and "amore."

Corbin Linebarier
Testo tratto da "Il Morandini, dizionario dei film": Fantasia musicale d'animazione. Come "Fantasia" di Disney, ma fatto a Milano. Le musiche tradotte in disegni sono di Debussy, Dvorak, Ravel (Bolero), Sibelius, Vivaldi, Stravinski (L'uccello di fuoco). ...
Corbin Linebarier is an Ex Boyfriend/Current Friend. He came to Milan once. We used to eat Fast Food together. He knows me well enough to know that I appreciate Classical Music and Depressing Videos. This video made me cry, which is exactly what I needed on my birthday. (Note, my black cat was missing on my birthday which made this video that much more terrible/amazing). Thanks, Corbin. I can always count on you.

Private messages should only be sent if:
1) You are really "close" to this person.
2) You are embarrassed of your relationship with this person and don't want people seeing you write on their wall and/or your relationship with this person is a secret via having to be a secret via yall having an "affair."
3) You aren't very "close" to this person but want to be and therefore feel like sending them a Private Message for their Birthday will show them that youre ready to take the "next step."
4) You are and/or want to be "romantically/sexually involved" with this person.
I wont use examples of these in my blog via what the word "Private" in the term "Private Message" means but I will say that just because some of you sent me PMs (yall know who you are) or PMPMs (Giorgia), that DOESNT MEAN you couldn't have ALSO written on my wall. Assholes.

1) Dont Be [too] Narcissistic.
Usually writing on people's Facebook Walls is a form of Self-Promotion. You want to write something "cool," "interesting" or "funny" so that the people who read this comment will think that these are qualities you possess. HOWEVER, when you are writing a BIRTHDAY COMMENT to someone you ONLY want to be promoting THEIR image. It's what they deserve via it being their birthday.
2) Keep it short.
There's nothing I hate more than when someone really cool writes something really cool on my wall and then someone TOTALLY LAME writes something TOTALLY LAME above it that's SO LONG that it ends up pushing the cool comment down so far that nobody even sees it! Never send something too long, especially when you see that the comment underneath is something that promotes the person's image or was was written by a cute boy.
This applies especially to Birthday Posts because SO MANY people will be posting which makes the little time a cool post is visible to the public even MORE crucial than ever. You understand?
Don't steal my thunder, yall.
I've only got so much.


  1. holy god. let me elaborate.
    trashiest birthday ever, sharpest facebook social analysis ever! and of course it doesn't hurt that i am prominently featured all over the damn place. keep up the good work!

  2. corbin is mine. happy birthday ("fashionably" late)

  3. you are a nut. but i do love the shit out of lady gaga. i hope she reads crumpets.