Saturday, February 13, 2010

DONT CALL IT A COMEBACK IVE BEEN HERE FOR YEARS

OMG Yall--IM BAAACK!!!!!!
Back from my Showroom-Induced-Hiatus, back from preparing for exams, 


back from replacing "Food & Sleep" with "Midol & Red Bull." 


~food~


I'm Back Like Britney 


and I'm better than ever--I have a new haircut and everything! 

~whatever~

But before I start I've just got to say something:
I'm SORRY, yall. I'm sorry I left you "in the dark." I'm sorry I didn't blog about the Grammy's. 


 ~who is this~


I'm sorry and I promise I'll never leave yall again--that's really a PROMISE and it's a gift from me--a gift from me to yall and just in time---for everyone's FAVORITE HOLIDAY!!!!


(that was good right? the way i "tied that in")

I LOVE Valentine's Day because its the only holiday that stresses the Importance of being Popular and Loved. 

~love~

Valentines Day is good for Society because it makes ~90% of the population feel "insecure" and "lonely," which is good for our Caste System and general Morale. It's also a very complex holiday--it's meaning changes depending on what Stage Of Life you're in! For example: 

1) Valentine's Day Via Children (USA) = UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS


American Schools are strange because they always promote "equality"-even when it isn't necessary (usually). So on Valentine's Day American Elementary Schools FORCE children to give everyone in their class a card--even to the poor & unpopular kids! 


This kind of behavior teaches children that "generosity & kindness" are more important than "exclusivity & popularity." This is typical American Idealistic B.S. only sets kids up for failure. (That's why I'll raise mine in Romania). 


2) Valentine's Day Via Teenagers= COMPETITION


Teenagers turn Valentine's Day into a Popularity Contest--especially at school. It's an opportunity to show everybody (via presents/candy/"giving it up") who is (and isn't) "Cool" and who is (and isn't) "A Virgin."  


It's a great way to see which girls are Desired (physically & socially) and therefore who you should try to be friends with. 


3) Valentine's Day Via Women (20s+)= DELUSION


For "Grown" Women Valentine's Day means having a [Successful] Boyfriend take them to a [Nice] Restaurant in his [Expensive] Car and buy them a [Diamond] Ring and Ask Them To Marry Them. 


(Always answer Marriage Proposals with "NO" because that way you can get one every year).

4) Valentine's Day Via Single Women= DESPERATION


For Single Women Valentine's Day is a time to reflect on why they Aren't Good Enough to have a Boyfriend. 


It's also a good excuse for Single Girls to get together with their Single (Ugly) Girlfriends and have a "Girls Night Out" and talk about the "Perks Of Being Single" while envying all the couples around them and later crying themselves to sleep.

5) Valentine's Day Via Married Women= REGRET


It means being reminded that you've Made The Biggest Mistake Of Your Life. (Especially when your 16 year-old daughter comes home with the new Prada Bag and all you got from your Husband was an Apron and a Suggestive Glance).

"what have i done?"

6) Valentine's Day Via Men= CONFUSION


Cuz yall are hella stupid. 

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