Monday, October 25, 2010

like riding a bike

Some things you forget if you don't practice-like simple multiplication or how to boil water.

And some things you can't forget; like "riding a bike" (I wouldn't know) or "beer before liquor, never been sicker."

I always thought "walking" was one of those things but today I found out otherwise.

For over a year I've worn nothing but heels; it's done terrors to my feet (my bones are growing the wrong way and I have no feeling in my toes)

but wonders for my Self-Esteem.

I vowed never again be seen in flats, and have kept that up for a while. But, like in "monogamy," there are exceptions to everything.

Like when last night I went to sleep in Milan and woke up in the Rain Forest- rain coming from all sides-like in Forrest Gump.

I couldn't bear to see what it would do to my precious suede pumps or my leather platforms; my fuzzy leopard print slingbacks or my strappy sandals.

I decided to "take one for the team" today and finally lace up my only pair of flats-my [unworn] 20-eye, Patent Leather Dr. Martens (better suited for a Neo-Nazi-Queen than Moi (Wannabe-Amber Rose),  but still totally gorgeous).

So I put them on; added a leather jacket & didn't wash my hair (adding to "the look"). And at first, I felt great. I thought "Huh-I don't feel like chewing my own legs off & I can stand up straight!"

"I look Cool & Powerful & people will respect me!"

And then I started walking.

I could FEEL the street (disgusting) and I had to LIFT my legs up (exhausting!!). My usual "strut" seemed like a waddle and my legs turned into jelly. I was un-elegant, sloppy and boyish. I tripped, I stumbled, I fell. I looked drunk & brain damaged (& not in the good way).

And the worst part? Nobody was checking me out!!! Or even looking at me! And yall know how I feel about that.

I'm putting away these boots, and saving them for 2012. Till then, sorry Body, you just can't win them all.

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