Sunday, November 21, 2010

the perks to being a wallflower?

I once watched an Oprah episode on the importance of saying "No."


This is something I have a problem with-I have a great fear of "letting people down" and refusing anything to anyone-this is why I'm usually seen as very "Responsible" & "Reliable" [a pushover] in work & social situations (always on time, will hold your hair back when you puke).

As long as I'm answering to someone else I'm golden.


The problem is when I answer to myself:


I describe myself as "Carefree & Fun" but I really mean "Self-Destructive."







As long as I'm only harming myself I'll go as far as it takes for a "good time"


But this afternoon when I arrived home with a broken cell phone,


in a training bra & shorts [covered in other people's vodka]


& saw 20 new wrinkles upon looking in the mirror,


I decided to "take it easy" and stay in (Saturday Night and I don't have work tomorrow) in hopes of "feeling better" (did I even feel bad)?

Now I only feel anxious without a bass vibrating me to the point of nausea. I want someone to be yelling into my ear the same idiotic things 100 times and I want to be exhausted to the point of calling my parents to tell them I love them because This Might Be It.

I feel I'm not spending my time wisely (I WONT BE 22 FOREVER) and I'm letting down my friends (Lady Gaga).

It's not called "Just Sleep" for a reason.

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