My Birthday is in 10 days.
To keep myself from jumping out of a window Ive made a list of Gift Ideas for my Biggest Fans:
1) McDonald's Happy Meal Toys
Stolen from children.
2) Memory Removal
To forget how bad my Lady Gaga Seat Was.
I'm turning 23; don't wanna talk about it.
4) Flight to Russia (one way)
To find a Dictator Husband (and a great fur hat).
5) An Obediant Hairdresser
The ones in Milan are refusing to dye my hair from black to white/gray. They say it could "literally melt away" via "all the chemicals Ive been soaking it in for the past decade."
6) A Therapist
It's about time.