Saturday, February 27, 2010

End of an Era

So this was Women's Fashion Week in Milan.
Which means a few things:

1) Lindsay Lohan


with Roberto Cavalli...a match made in Fake Tan Heaven 

2) "Thinspiration" 


(self-loathing)


Thinspiration via DSquared


Thinspiration via Moschino


Thinspiration via Bottega Veneta


Thinspiration via Gianfranco Ferre

3) That Woman With The Bob


I hate Women's Fashion Week and I'm glad it's over.

I think the end of Women's Fashion Week is going to mark the end of the Lifestyle I've been rocking this month--aka staying away from my Haus as much as possible and not remembering anything.


where am I

I'm getting tired and I'm getting BROKE. I've been considering pawning my Bulgari ring so I can buy this pair of Sonia Rykiel shoes from H&M--what do yall think?


I need to find a way to manage my money and more importantly, my time. I'ts just hard to stay home now that I'm a Local Celebrity.

famous

Speaking of which, I have a story:

Friday night there was some Cocktail Party at the American Apparel Store on Pta Ticinese.

home

I only heard about it from a friend but OF COURSE I assumed I could get in via being a V.I.P. (Very Important Person). Not only did I KNOW I was getting in but I also kind of thought it may be taking place in My Honor-seeing as how much promotion I do for them on a DAILY basis. Like, when I told you guys I only wear American Apparel Hot Pants and Leotards in the winter covered by some Trashy Coat? I wasn't kidding.


Like, it's almost embarrassing. 

Anyway, you can IMAGINE my SHOCK when I show up, looking Hot, Cool and Uninterested, open the door and get STOPPED  by Some Girl who asks me if I'm "On The List" 

LIST?! I AM THE LIST, LADY.

I won't get into details of what was said but I don't think I'm ever coming back.


This means I have to stop shopping there which means I have to Change My Look.

new look

I'm over this Party Scraps Found On The Floor Look I've been doing for ~1 year now. I don't want to look like a Walk of Shame Impersonated. 

(This & previous photo of me by Silvia Bergomi)

I dont need to look "Classy" but I NEED to look RICH.


That's why, this season DSquared is my Inspiration. I have never liked DSquared before but their latest fashion show really Resonated With Me--this is exactly how I'd dress if I had money. And I'm going to find a way to get there. 



Cruella Devil meets Dominatrix Secretary meets Dictator's Wife



Is anyone hiring?

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Never Le[n]t Me Go

I'm very serious about my Spirituality:
"Religion" via Communism

 
and "God" via Karl Lagerfeld. 


love you, K :-)


I've never questioned My Beliefs before but last night I had sort of a "Spiritual Awakening"--via an Irish Boy I met at a bar.


~irish~

Last night I was at a bar with Some Friends and naturally we were all ordering Alcoholic Beverages. But the Irish Boy ordered a Hot Tea. 


*gasp*


I asked him what was wrong, thinking maybe he has an ulcer or is pregnant or already drunk. So you can imagine my shock when he said: "Ive given up Alcohol for Lent."


huh?

Me:  "oh, so you believe in Jesus and stuff?"

Him: "yeah...of course."

Me: "....."

OK. So at first I was like "thats hella stupid" right? Like, nobody's gonna tell ME what to do, you know? But then I Really Thought About It and realized something--Giving Stuff Up is the chicest thing you can do. 

For example: Giving up Food to be Skinny-via models. 


Giving up Comfort to be Chic-via Lady Gaga. 


Giving up Sleep to Have Fun-via me. 


~we dont need sleep all we need is each other~

So it got me thinking: maybe I should give up something too. You know, to be "in" or whatever.

CRUMPETS LENT LIST: WHAT TO "GIVE UP" 2010:

1) SCHOOL


Who needs it?

School only Brings You Down via making you Do Stuff and Wake Up On Time. Plus these days it's all about Who You Know vs What You Know. 


You know?

2) WORK




I think quitting work THIS particular month would be perfect because this month we're doing Women's Wear aka I'll be working with Female Models aka whats the point, right?

3) FRIENDS


I mean...if you can even call them that.

4) FACEBOOK


Just Kidding Yall I would never do that.

Saturday, February 20, 2010

ECO FASHION

This week I had a "workshop" at school about "Eco Fashion." 


I was excited because I thought that "ECO FASHION" referred to Being Fashionable in this ECOnomic Crisis--via finding stuff in trash cans


and stealing from H&M. 


Criminals 

But it turns out it's about the ENVIRONMENT or something which is weird because Fashion has NOTHING to do with the environment.


ew


what is this

We've been learning about how supporting brands that use Sweatshops is bad via supporting the "Exploitation of Children." 


We also learned that buying leather and fur is bad via supporting the "Death of Animals." 


yawn

I dont buy anything UNLESS it's made in China. 


I think all the trees in the world should be cut down to build one GIANT American Apparel.


And my fashion icon is Cruella Devil.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

SEASONAL DEPRESSION

It happens to the best of us.

Between This Weather, 


Work, 


Exams


and a BROKEN WASHING MACHINE

"we're screwed"

it can be hard for a girl to "keep her chin up."


"what's depression?"

Here are some tips on how to Stay Happy when the rest of the world is against you.

CRUMPETS ANTI-DEPRESSION GUIDE FEBRUARY 2010:

1) Stay Out.


Stay away from home as much as possible. Fresh Air (cigarette smoke) and Positive Surroundings (afterparties) can make anyone feel better. 

happiness

Take yourself out to your Favorite Places--it will "keep you busy" and give you "something to look forward to."


I took myself to McDonald's on Valentine's Day. 


I never felt better.

2)  Meet New People.
Old Friends can "bring you down." 


It's time for a change! Some people meet new friends at school or parties but I prefer Chatroulette.com. 


Have yall tried it yet?

3) Look Sharp.


In order to Feel Good on the Inside you must LOOK GOOD on the OUTSIDE. 


right, Heidi?

Fight your Seasonal Depression by Fighting the Season! Wear your cutest summer outfits and youll think youre at the beach! Just convince yourself the snow between your toes is actually sand and the wind damage on your face is just sunburn B-)


You'll look great and get TONS of attention (via looking "psychotic") and getting attention is really the only point to doing anything, right?

4) Read.
Read Inspiring Literature that will quench your Mind, Body and Soul. I recommend Chelsea Handler--she's like a Modern Day Marx.


Philosophy, Politics, Life, Etc.


This one's a Crumpets Classic.


And if these books get a bit too "heavy" any Cosmo Issue will do.


5) RELAX.


Because who the hell cares about anything anyway?