Friday, April 30, 2010

click it or tickit

A Friend has asked me to write about Belts.


This isn't something I've "touched on" yet because the subject is So Complex.


Belts can make an outfit


or break it just as easily.


They can enhance your good features


and exaggerate your bad ones.


They can show off your tatse in Music,


Art,


Culture,


and Politics.


For women Belt Placement is key. 


Because our bodies are complicated.


For example: 

Waist





Hips





Other
(That Hips/Waist Gray Area that can only be handled with care and knowledge, via Amber Rose).


Finding The Right Belt can be really difficult for a Woman because the size/color/fabric/shape/style of the belt has to correctly correspond to the size/color/fabric/shape/style of your outfit,


in addition to complementing the size & shape of your body! 


The options for Women are endless



and totally overwhelming.


As with All Other Things, Men have it Easier.


They have less options [creativity] and simpler bodies [minds], and therefore Fewer Rules.


whatever

Let me Break It Down for yall:
Men should only wear belts around their hips 


(if your pants go up higher you must wear suspenders) 


and only ever with pants (shorts are unacceptable and belted shorts are even worse).


Your belt should always match your shoes, 


and be easy to take off ;)

Thursday, April 22, 2010

The ABCs Of Summer Accessories

I just finished reading "ABC of Mens Fashion"


by Hardy Amies.


I read it because I have become quite interested in Mens Fashion after working for Les Hommes and "hanging out" with Male Models ;)


It was very educational and surprisingly funny. The pictures werent bad, either.


Anyway, this book has inspired me to write yall an ABCs guide to Summer Accessories. Hardy always stressed the Importance of Accessories,

"in Principle your accessories...should be more expensive than your basic suit which, in this way, can achieve some reflected glory from them" (pg 10)

and I couldnt agree more. So let us begin:

ABCs of Summer Accessories 2010:

Anti-Wrinkle Cream:


Always important but especially during the Summer Months. Ive been using it for years now. Ill look 15 when im 50.

Boyfriends:


These are only good accessories if they are cute and/or promote your image. (See "J" for more info).

Coke: 


Always chic, always refreshing, always Diet Friendly.

Dogs: 


Dogs are good accessories because they attract boys (via relating to them).

Esprit: 


Remember that brand? It was hot in Elementary School. Think it's time to bring it back.

False Lashes: 


The "Natural Look" just isnt Hot. Accept this fact and Deal With It.

Glasses: 


Whether theyre Sun Glasses or Regular Glasses, theyve GOT to be chic. I dont want to see ANY more of that Square Hipster B.S. For Ideas look to Nicki Minaj.

Hot Sauce: 


At some point this summer you'll be forced to go to some "Food Event" like a 4th of July Barbecue. People will expect you to eat. In times like these having Hot Sauce is imperative; just put so much on your food that even that Japanese Guy from Top Chef couldn't touch it.

Ipad: 


Anything else is unacceptable. Please Act Accordingly.

Jailbait:


These days its all about Younger Men. The best way to Feel Good About Yourself is to be with someone less intelligent.

Kool-Aid: 


Another Refreshing Summer Classic.

Lady Gaga Tickets: 


Without these you may as well spend all summer watching 30 Rock and eating Hot Pockets.

MONEY: 


Theres nothing chicer. Period.

Nail Polish: 


I predict we will see a lot of yellows, greens and pinks this summer. Always have some red and black in your repertoire and dont leave the Haus unless its done PERFECTLY. Chipped Polish is for 12 year old Mall Rats and the members of Korn.

Olive Oil: 


My Russian Friend told me that Russian Girls take a shot of Olive Oil before Drinking on an Empty Stomach. Drinking on Empty can make you hella sick and apparently a little Olive Oil protects your tummy :)

Perfume Rings: 


With this accessory you can look and smell great even in the slimiest weather.

Quilts: 


Youre gonna be partying/sleeping outside a lot so unless you want a grass stain on your Favorite Dress I suggest being prepared.

Red Lipstick: 


Glossy looks are more popular in the summer but I think Matte Lipstick is more Summer-Friendly via being less likely to melt all over your face.

Sunscreen: 


The MOST. IMPORTANT. THING. In the world. Trust me.

Toilet Paper: 


ALWAYS have some in your purse, just in case. You never know how Club Bathrooms will look and dont even CONSIDER going to a "Summer Music Festival" without it.

Umbrellas: 


Keep away unsightly tans and look like a stuck up bitch.

Vaseline: 


Because "Sweaty" can look "Sexy" as long as its not Sweat.

Waterproof Mascara: 


Good for Swimming and excellent for Crying.

Xanax: 


Because Drugs are the Best Accessory.

Yaz Birth Control: 


Just because youre Fashionably Late doesnt mean your Period should be!!!

Zip-Lock Bags:


I carry everything in Zip-Lock bags, because it makes me look poor [chic] and because it Just Makes Sense. Carry your makeup in them and never worry about the mess (nothing worse than a messy makeup bag). Carry your money in them and ALWAYS know how much you have. Carry your tampons in them and let the Whole World know you arent pregnant. 


The options are endless.

H.A.G.S, yall!