Tuesday, November 30, 2010

mo money mo problems

I don't care what yall say about Lady Gaga I'm peeing my pants about this show on Saturday. Trying to figure out what to wear; these are my options:

Pre-Fame Gaga


Made-It Gaga


Mo Money Mo Problems Gaga


Promiscuous Gaga


Bondage Gaga


Abusive Relationship Gaga


Masochistic Gaga


Ghetto Gaga


Pyro Gaga


Crust Punk Gaga


Lesbo Gaga


Catholic Gaga


Pre-School Gaga


Combat Gaga


Baseball Gaga


Carsick Gaga


God Save The Queen Gaga



Either way I need a blonde wig; someone help me?

Monday, November 29, 2010

disconnected

The perks to having your cell phone stolen:


(I will find you bastards if its the last thing I do)

1) No Spending 




I spend on average 10 euros a day to re-charge my phone (Italian "Montly Plans" are as legitimate as Berlusconi's "Family Values").


Maybe like this I can finally get the [overpriced terrible quality] Lanvin for H&M shoes!



2) No Temptations






(had to)


I'm staying in tonight because nobody can call to tell me what I'm missing. This is two days in a row now and I'm already seeing fewer wrinkles.


3) No Expectations
He isn't texting or calling? It's because he can't! In fact he's probably totally flipping out over you not answering/writing back, right?


RIGHT?

4) No Regrets
Some people drunk text (cliche) I sleep text (way edgier/more embarassing).


Tonight I dont have to worry about what I'll do in "REM." I'll fall asleep knowing that [whats left of] my reputation will be in tact by tomorrow.



5) No Obligations
Forget your responsibilities & enjoy yourself-you've got no other choice ;)


(Till tomorrow this is torture)

Sunday, November 28, 2010

PPD: THE NEW EPIDEMIC

I'm here to talk about Post-Party Depression & some things you can do to help.

Everyone's been there: you exit whatever apartment you just spent the past 12 hours in and see the sun for the first time [it hurts]. Your stockings are ripped, your makeup is gone and you're wearing someone else's clothes.


Your money is spent & your phone has been stolen.


You're cold & exhausted.


You get home; its quiet [depressing] and you start to Think About Your Life [terrifying].
You're stuck here till tomorrow [only losers go out on Saturdays] and have nothing to do [only losers study on Saturdays]. You're having a an emotional and physical crisis. You start to wonder how you will get through this.

POST-PARTY DEPRESSION GET-WELL CHECKLIST

1) Nutrition
Parties are like Sports in that they require tons of stamina. In order to do it right you've got to be healthy. Professional Athletes fill themselves with Protein [steroids] to perform to their best abilities.


Party Athletes should do the same, via Water & Vitamins [Red Bull].


2) Moral Support
My girl NoNo once said "when your Mom's got your back everythings cool." 


Calling your Mom is important, especially when you're suffering PPD. 
When you hear her voice you'll feel better [start crying] and she'll tell you she loves you and that everything's ok [yell at you for not studying].


3) Productivity
The key is to not let The Next Day go to waste-do something productive and you won't feel as shitty. Paint your nails, dye your hair, organize your shoes.



You'll be on the road to Wholesomeness in no time.

4) Inspiration
Sometimes all you need is a little Intellectual Stimulation.

Via Sarah; [starting a band soon].



Good luck & Stay Strong

Saturday, November 27, 2010

DO THEY OWE US A LIVING



Dont really get this "protest" stuff but the police men are adorable & the soundtrack is killer

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

skanksgiving

Yall know what I'm thankful for?
Spending Thanksgiving in Milan.


Thanksgiving was the bane of my existance;


No matter how much I'd try to avoid it, my friends & family would always find me & seduce me with that f'ing turkey.



It threw my diet out of whack and I'd spend months trying to make up for it.



In honor of my 3rd year without this dreadful holiday, I'm hosting a Skanksgiving Party- Anyone superficial & self-obsessed is welcome.

We'll have Bloody Marys for dinner & Diet Coke for dessert. And then we'll go around the table and tell each other how thankful we are to be in such lovely company.



RSVP via my email, there are only a few spots left.

monsterballs

The other day I woke up to an email from my mom-

SUBJECT: "URGENT!!!"
EMAIL: TEA HERE ARE THE LAST LADY GAGA MILAN TICKETS


(Worlds Greatest Mom)


So I bought that shit immediately (wont show you the price-just know I'm not eating for a month)



Everyone is being really supportive



I'm going by myself but I think that improves my chances of meeting her.


(sleeping outside after the show)

I just can't decide what to wear:








(Bet their moms are pretty great too)

I finally have a reason to wake up in the morning & dont hate myself [as much] for missing her in Croatia. (Said it was her favorite show-I'm not surprised).



See you soon, babe-I'll be the one hiding under your sofa backstage ;)

warpaint

Girl music is the best music

Sunday, November 21, 2010

the perks to being a wallflower?

I once watched an Oprah episode on the importance of saying "No."


This is something I have a problem with-I have a great fear of "letting people down" and refusing anything to anyone-this is why I'm usually seen as very "Responsible" & "Reliable" [a pushover] in work & social situations (always on time, will hold your hair back when you puke).

As long as I'm answering to someone else I'm golden.


The problem is when I answer to myself:


I describe myself as "Carefree & Fun" but I really mean "Self-Destructive."







As long as I'm only harming myself I'll go as far as it takes for a "good time"


But this afternoon when I arrived home with a broken cell phone,


in a training bra & shorts [covered in other people's vodka]


& saw 20 new wrinkles upon looking in the mirror,


I decided to "take it easy" and stay in (Saturday Night and I don't have work tomorrow) in hopes of "feeling better" (did I even feel bad)?

Now I only feel anxious without a bass vibrating me to the point of nausea. I want someone to be yelling into my ear the same idiotic things 100 times and I want to be exhausted to the point of calling my parents to tell them I love them because This Might Be It.

I feel I'm not spending my time wisely (I WONT BE 22 FOREVER) and I'm letting down my friends (Lady Gaga).

It's not called "Just Sleep" for a reason.