Wednesday, January 26, 2011

there was an old woman who lived in a shoe

I started wearing heels after I shaved my head a few years ago via my image suddenly going from "hot" to "dyke."

I had 0 boyfriends that year.

After noticing the appearance of my legs (skinnier!) and attention from boys (harassment!) I threw away my flats and never looked back.

~Fast forward to present day~

I wake up one morning and notice a sharp pain in one knee.

"Must have been a rough night."

That afternoon, swelling.

"Am I getting FAT?!"

By the evening I am crippled.


This week I've been walking with the grace of LiLo on a bad night. But I refused to blame my shoes-so instead I took pills, elevated my legs (lol) and even went to the pharmacy for advice (hospitals are for losers). The pharmacist told me something I've been trying not to consider-because my mom already warned me about it-I've fucked up my legs and it's probably permanent.

I did research (WEB MD) and found I either have:

1) Knee Osteoarthritis

2) Tendinitis 

3) CANCER!!!

I realized that short of suicide there's only one thing to do-buy (and wear) flat shoes.

Luckily today I was with MatthewMatthew who helped me pick out a pair without falling into a deep[er] pit of self-loathing/depression: red velvet Dr Martens made for a Vampire Dinner Party.

My legs look short, I dont move my ass as much when I walk and I feel "vulnerable" in the way you do when you take your makeup off even though you know people know your lips aren't actually sparkly and eyelids aren't really blue (mine are).

Anyway it's either this or a wheel chair and the wheel chair store was closed.


  1. OMG really? You can't wear heels anymore? disaster

  2. Not a disaster or end of the world. There are lot's of cute shoes that don't have high heels.
    You only get one pair of wheels in this world, you're smart to take care of them now before
    things get any worse. For motivation, just think of bunions and hammertoes :>)