Saturday, February 26, 2011

low expectations

Today I'm sharing a secret with yall:  
The Secret To Success

You know That Guy in your office who sleeps at his desk and tweets during meetings, yet always gets promoted? Or The Girl in your class who never studies and lives at nightclubs yet wins the hearts of the professors [and the internship at Vogue]?

You wonder "how they do it" and think it "isnt fair," when really it's simple:

Keep people's expectations of you as low as possible and you can impress them with almost nothing. Minimal work will get you maximal results and people will applaud your every move.

Case Study 1: Lady Gaga vs Amy Winehouse: 

Lady Gaga has screwed herself via "honest hard work" and "ambition" so much that now she can't even get our attention by performing heart surgery [on herself].

Meanwhile, Amy knows the benefits of being a "fuckup." She took some vacations, spent her earnings on drugs and now can win a nobel peace prize just by getting out of bed.

Case Study 2: Salad vs Salinger:

The Blonde Salad knows how to impress. Keep things simple and predictable, so just adding a video seems innovative. It takes talent to get thousands of followers based on pictures your boyfriend takes of you (being a Hot Blonde also helps).

JD Salinger (RIP) tried too hard to be "intellectual." Nobody cared when he wrote revolutionary work, because that's what they expected. 

This Basic Principle stands in any situation. Take me, for example:

I almost failed high school (I had better things to do; I had a boyfriend) so getting a "D" in Physical Education got me more praise than my Sister's "A" in Chemistry.

Fast-Forward 5 years (still in school, surprise surprise)

This month I passed all my exams; exams I should have taken last June.
And now my Mom is rewarding me. (Because I deserve it!). In honor of me being almost a year behind, she got me a ticket to America in April, so I can eat Waffles and miss more school.

They say "a little hard work goes a long way."
Just make sure your work is late, uninspired and always the bare minimum.


  1. WaffleHouse is fantastic. My parents might be there right now.

  2. Man, I totally agree. That blond salad chick is totally predictable.