Saturday, February 19, 2011

THE RULES

I don't read much aside from Nutritional Information on food packaging so when I do pick up a book I make sure it's of Quality.

Today I found this Gem in my friend's bathroom.


It's called "The Complete Book of Rules" (Time-tested secrets for capturing the heart of Mr. Right) by Ellen Fein & Sherrie Schneider (published 1995).


The aim of this Masterpiece is to teach women and girls how to find the Perfect Man [purpose in life] through tips and advice [brainwashing]. As a Single Girl I found it extremely helpful and would like to share some passages with yall.

I want to help my sistas find a Strong Male Figure to complete [control] their [desperate, lonely] lives.

CRUMPETS BOOK CLUB: "THE RULES" HIGHLIGHTS:

1) BEHAVIOR:

(On a Date)
"Men like women. Don't act like a man, even if you are head of your own company. Don't tell sarcastic jokes. Don't be a loud, knee-slapping, hysterically funny girl. This is ok when you're alone with your girlfriends. But when you're with a man you like, be quiet and mysterous, act ladylike, cross your legs and smile. Don't talk so much."


(In a Relationship)
"Don't fix him. You will end up emasculating him and he will come to see you as a domineering shrew. He wants someone who makes him feel good or better, not inadequate. So leave him alone. When he asks you what to wear or how to play tennis, you can help him. Until then, just be there."

2) APPEARANCE:

(For Teenagers)
"Overweight is NOT "The Rules." Wear makeup...Don't wear a Grateful Dead T-Shirt. (Strange how women think that men are attracted to women who dress like men-sporty and even grungy!) If you have really bad acne, go to a dermatologist. Spend your baby-sitting money on manicures and pretty clothes. Notice what the most popular kids in school are wearing. DON'T try to be too different or frugal in this area...Don't let your mind tell you that all of this is superficial and beneath you...Boys like girls who wear what's on MTV and in the magazines."




(For Women)
"Do everything you possibly can to put your best face forward. If you have a bad nose, get a nose job; colour grey hair; grow your hair long. Men prefer long hair, something to play with and caress. It doesn't matter if short hair is easier to wash and dry. The point is, we're girls! We don't want to look like boys. Don't leave the house without wearing makeup. Put lipstick on even when you go jogging! Manicures, pedicures, periodic facials and massages should become part of your routine. And don't forget to spray on an intoxicating perfume when you go out. Wear black sheer stockings and hike up your skirt!"

3) AVAILABILITY:

"Men love a challenge-that's why they play sports, fight wars and raid corporations. When a man is trying to set up a date for you, don't say "Actually, I'm going to be in your area anyway." Don't offer the names of restaurants, unless he asks. Don't say much at all. Let him do all the thinking and the talking. Men really feel good when they work hard to see you. Don't take that away from them!"


4) SEX:

"It's common knowledge that men want as much as they can get on a first date. It's your job to slow them down. Let him kiss you on the first date, but nothing more. Keeping it to a kiss will force him not to think of you as just a physical object. The less you do physically, the better...Don't invite him up to the flat...Don't let his hands go everywhere. If you're getting too excited, end the date quickly so you don't do anything you'll regret...Keep telling yourself that other women have spoiled men by sleeping with them on the first date, but you're a RULES girl and you take your time."


It's really easy; just keep your [painted] lips closed, your [skinny] legs crossed and your [sarcastic] jokes to yourself. 

Your Prince will be here in no time.


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