Thursday, February 10, 2011

Samuel Says

Yall are in for a treat today. I'm sharing a very sweet [profound] Facebook message I got from my Friend Samuel; Model, Party Enthusiast and Modern Relationship Expert; in response to my apparent "desperation."

Hey Tea!
Coudn't not notice that cloud of confussion/desperation U are creatin about whole Valentines day! U need to realize that no matter how hot/blazzin/whoa gurl is, no one will wanna date her when 14.2. is comin bcoz no human female ever seemed to notice that human males don't enjoy it at all/hate it. It's via U put all the gay stuff that is required to do to make girl happy(usualy on monthy/quaterly basis) on schedule of one single day: 
-U have to buy flowers (instead of nothing)
-U go for dinner (instead of pizza)
-U go for looong walk (instead of not goin)
-U have to watch super ghey movie (instead of Xbox)
-U have to make love (instead of havin sex, if U are lucky/prepared enough, U pass out already during that gay romantic movie via boredom/tranquilizers)
Even nicest guys of human history refused to spend Valetnine's day with a girl, U remember holy bible...
Mary Magdalene: "Sup Jeezus, watchu doin on Valentines day?"
Jesus: "Heya guurl, Ima kinda busy, I have crucifiction rehersal U know"
Mary Magdalene: "God damn you!!!"
Jesus: "Watch your mouth U slut"

Sooo, no hard feelings, concentrate on school/partyes(U can be selfdestructive more than usual since boys avoid girls now anyways) and temporary delete accounts from dating site's till 15.2. :)

Wish someone had told me this before, could have saved me from years of ice cream & vicodin abuse

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