Monday, April 11, 2011

10 THINGS I HATE ABOUT SUMMER

It's already a thousand degrees in Milan. I can't help fearing what's to come.

10 THINGS I HATE ABOUT SUMMER

1) SANDALS
I don't just mean flip-flops. I mean PRADA, YSL, H&M, whatever-if your toes are showing I will vomit.



2) T-SHIRTS
Like, unless you're Shaggy don't even try.



3) GUITAR GUYS
There is nothing more annoying in this world than a guy with a guitar.
They're hot when they're "in a band," but get them alone in a park playing "Blowin' in the Wind" for their girlfriends and try not to call your therapist.




4) PICNICS
There's only one thing I hate more than food and that's nature.




5) PDA
Hot weather brings out the exhibitionist in everyone. Every time I see a couple kissing in public I'm tempted to throw my McFlurry at them.


(And no, I am not jealous. I love being alone, only getting texts from my Mom and crying myself to sleep).


6) ATTITUDE
Suddenly everyone turns "positive" and I turn friendless.



7) POOLS
"Hey guys, wanna soak in a piss and bacteria filled mass of lukewarm water while perverts take pictures of us and someone steals the bags we left in the locker room?"



8) TRANSPORTATION
Summer Public Transport is god punishing us for putting hamsters together in pet stores until they suffocate. Somehow we never learn.



9) WALKING
The only thing worse than having your face stuck in someone's armpit (#8) is having to feel your own getting sweaty.


The only option is to literally stay inside until September.


10) VACATION
I make my whole life a vacation so I can specificaly avoid having one in August. If I wanted to see tacky Germans in shorts and fat Americans in spandex I'd live at Wal Mart.

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