Monday, April 4, 2011

this is what desperation looks like

Maybe I'm behind but I just saw this a few days ago.

Meet Lady Gaga's Inbred Cousin, Alaina Beaton aka "Porcelain Black," who has just released a groundbreaking "explicit" music video.

The video starts with Alaina as a pre-teen, playing with a Barbie. This is a sign of slow mental development, a result of overexposure to hair bleach at an early age.

She's approached by three girls who come from happier families and have a knowledge of color coordination. They call Alaina a "freak," and rightfully so.

As the girls reach for their weapons, Alaina's drug dealer jumps in to save the day.

They run away in fear, as anybody should do when yelled at by a black person.

Fast-forward 9 years. Alaina has sold her pants for a boob job.

Alaina is seen with a Racially Diverse crowd of girls (obviously part of a violent Gang). Here the Viewer assumes Alaina has evolved past the concept of racism,

until she is seen showing her "middle finger" to an Asian Girl.

The viewer is confused and offended.

In addition to Asian People, Alaina hates Libraries.

As a part of the "Initiation Process," Alaina orders her Gang to destroy literature

and interrupt people's studies.

Alaina has found a new Gang Member.

Alaina has an unhealthy relationship with eating. She demonstrates this by throwing people's food on the ground

and looking angry when her theighs touch.

Alaina and her Gang break into a series of syncronized dance moves, all sexually charged and with violent undertones.

Alaina is a prostitute.

The Viewer is introduced to Alaina's Full-Time Pimp and Part-Time Sailor.

He says he likes Red Bull; the Street Name for a new Slovenian Club Drug not unsimilar to Ketamine.

Alaina closes the video with a series of hallucinations demonstrating her love of chairs and latex.

This is what Rock and Roll looks like.


  1. I had not seen this before, you really break it down well

  2. Haha, great stuff. Made me laugh. Video is horrendous, and if this video is correct in its core message, we should all be sad that rock and roll has gone and euthanized itself by choking on old 7up cans and cats balls...