Sunday, May 15, 2011

its not personal its business

My two biggest [only] fans are my Sister and my Mother.

They think [hope] I'll strike Fame via my "Talents" (which as far as I know consist of flirting and painting my nails) and decided they'll help me "promote myself" by getting me Business Cards.

I didn't see the point; I haven't finished school and change my "plans" as often as  Berlusconi does STDS.

But one night as I was drunkenly scribbling [what I thought was] my phone number in lipstick for a bartender (who ended up calling my landlord) I realized my girls might be onto something.

What's chicer than slipping "your card" into a guy's pocket?

It contains all your information typed in actual ink and may or may not be thrown away, depending on how much perfume you sprayed on it beforehand.

I told Mom to go ahead with the cards. Because I don't actually do anything I figured my name and number are enough, as long as they're written in Pink.



WHAT YOUR BUSINESS CARD SAYS ABOUT YOU

1) MINIMAL
Minimal cards are the "fashionable" way to show people you are boring.



2) CREATIVE
You don't realize how many people find you completely insufferable.



3) FUNNY
You thought "The Hangover" was a good movie.



4) CUTE
You steal your daughter's glitter and only orgasm while riding a horse.



4) "COOL"
You are a middle-aged Dad who is trying to relive highschool via forcing your son to hang out with you in exchange for giving him rides to "punk shows."



5) EXPENSIVE
You are a Jackass.




2 comments:

  1. I didn't see the point; I haven't finished school and change my "plans" as often as Berlusconi does STDS.

    ~hahahaahahaha!!! OMG, DIEING OF LAUGHTER! ^^

    ReplyDelete