Saturday, June 11, 2011

beached

My friends asked me to come to the beach tomorrow and obviously I was all "why the hell would I do that" until on my way home it started hailing (apocalypse) and I realized I need to get out of this goddamn city, even if it means getting sand in my butt. But before I really decide to go I'm making a list to be sure.

BEACH PROS/CONS LIST:




PRO: Nudity
Taking your clothes off at parties is fun but being topless for an entire day around complete strangers and male friends you secretly have crushes on/have slept with before is way funner.


CON: "Beach Body"
What the hell is a "Beach Body?" I always hear about it in the News and haven't really figured it out. And if I don't have a "Beach Body," then what do I have? A "Club Body?" Or maybe a "Bathroom" one?


PRO: Hot Guys
Guys are hotter on the beach because they're a) showing off their Bods via swimsuits and b) avoiding wearing any horrible shoes/clothes that would usually scare you away.


CON: "Hot" Guys
The problem with meeting a Stud in a swimsuit is that when (if) you do follow-up for drinks/dinner/sex you will probably find him wearing something terrible (cargo shorts) and then what will you do???


PRO: Tan
I hate tans but I must admit they make you look skinnier plus I'll take anything that helps me to resemble my dearest Snooki.


CON: Tan Lines
I mean.


PRO: Sea Water
Sea Water is fun because you can swim in it/have somewhere to pee.


CON: Water
This means only waterproof masacra which everyone knows is a total nightmare/doesn't come off for years plus no powder or other 'face makeup' or lipstick or blush or anything aka you must choose between swimming or looking hot cuz you can't do both #duh

(PS watch this video, I was looking for a "waterproof mascara" ad but this is kind of LOL via sexual innuendos or whatever)



In summery, the beach sucks as much as it doesn't but I'll probably go if they drive me.

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