Monday, June 27, 2011


Why anyone would want to go to a music festival is completely beyond me. 

Suffering the rape-y public showers and revolting new-age hippies isn't worth even doing coke with Beyonce or witnessing Ke$ha eat glitter. 

For those of yall spending your American Apparel paycheck on a few hot days in Music Hell I’ve got some tips on what to wear & bring so you don’t die or whatever.

Rubber Boots: 
We invented concrete for a reason-nature is totally gross. 

Plus people will be peeing/vomiting everywhere so unless you want your feet covered in sick I’d suggest you cover up. (Boots will also help to hide the fact you haven’t shaved your legs in days).

I prefer skirts but unless you want some tie-dye wearing acid freak feeling you up in your tent while you're passed out from too much hot Corona and Ketamine Cocktail, shorts are the reasonable option. Plus if worn right you can rock some hot camel toe.

You’ll be taking your top off constantly.

Baby Wipes: 
You'll get laid at some point (whether you like it or not) and I doubt a bidet will be handy. Just trust me on this one. 

To trade for drugs.

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