Monday, July 25, 2011

SABOTAGE


You know when your friend tells you to go out in pants that make you look fat (why I don’t wear pants or have any friends) or a coworker suggests you ask for a raise when they know the boss totally hates you (why I don’t have a job) or a bartender encourages you to drink something that has barely any alcohol in it (why I drink alone at home)? 

Sabotage happens daily and often when you least expect it:


Matthew has always been an amazing friend-some could say too much so.


When he moved to Milan he took me "under his wing," (sensed I needed "help"), let me spend nights at his apartment so I could watch Family Guy, eat all his food and cry about boys. After he moved away he let me stay with him in Venice, London and with Karley in Brooklyn.  He helped me with work, inspired me and made me feel “confident" enough to fight my depression. He kept me away from McDonald's and taught me the virtues of dating men who aren't so "abusive."

With him I often wondered what the “catch” was-he obviously didn’t want to get in my pants (remember I don’t wear any) and aside from letting him take naked pictures of me, I couldn't offer him anything in return but someone to complement his hair and drink all of his Prosecco.


But about a week ago it all made sense-his intentions became quite clear-when he told me I should “redesign” my blog and make it “easier to read.”

“Do people even read it?”

I kinda hoped people just checked it to see if I've uploaded new pictures of myself. But Matthew has never done me wrong so I went ahead with his advice.

I changed my blog from black to white and undid the neon pink post titles. It looked cleaner; healthier; better-and it felt good-until I noticed:

1) in changing the design I also got rid of the “like” application, losing all evidence of everyone (Matthew and my Mother) who were enjoying my posts

2) the blog lost its "edge" (via being white instead of black #duh) and

3) worst of all, just as Matthew predicted, it became easy to read.

What Matthew didn't realize is that the appeal of my blog has always been it's inaccessibility-people are forced to skim through it and just assume that it's good (or terrible) because if they try to focus too hard they'll get brain damage/seizures. (Like when I first moved to Italy and thought people were interesting because I couldn't understand a word they were saying-no surprise that now that I'm fluent I want to get the hell out).

In addition to that, ever since I changed the design I haven't had ANYthing to write about! My mojo, so to speak, (should I bring that back) is gone. And no, this has nothing to do with the fact that this week I've been in Chapel Hill, doing nothing but watching Oprah reruns and stalking my professors online (I graduate next year and have yet to have an affair with a teacher (actually I already have just not my own so it doesn't count)).

I'm not saying you shouldn't trust people (that's exactly what I'm saying) but keep in mind that when something seems too good to be true, it almost definitely is. 

That all being said, what do yall think of the changes? Is my blog easier to read now? Did you ever read it? Do you think Matthew is hot? 

(If I get no comments on this I will literally kill myself). 

17 comments:

  1. Hi, i'm your number one fan ever. Please don't take me for a stalker. I come on your blog everyday. I hope one day i will be able to have an article about me too, like "Daytona". He really is lucky jeez. I think you have good taste and that your legs are amazing

    ReplyDelete
  2. DON'T DO IT! You have so much to live for! Namely: making me lol with self-deprecating humour, and demonstrating that pretty girls can be funny. This is something the world is just learning. The Media told me so.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I did not say "do people even read it!!!" hahahah

    ReplyDelete
  4. i think you're tops

    ReplyDelete
  5. You have no idea how much I laugh/agree while reading your posts, you're amazing!
    Agus

    ReplyDelete
  6. I preferred it black. I check your blog everyday. <3 Wish I could have your babies but it's biologically impossible. Matthew is hot.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I came here because I read Slutever and It was hard to follow but it was great. I like this set up better

    ReplyDelete
  8. i liked it before and i like it now, i will always like it

    ReplyDelete
  9. This blog is so so so sexy and I'd lick it head to (camel)toe if I could.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I love this blog, if you ever stop writing it, I will die. You and Karley are like, my favorite bloggerz

    ReplyDelete
  11. the ocd in me says all the pictures should be the same size. beyond that i don't give a fuck as log as the content doesn't change. you crack me up, always!

    love you miss you
    xx

    ReplyDelete
  12. Love this blog! It's interesting and the pictures (and you) are gorgeous

    ReplyDelete
  13. I read it in my reader so it doesn't show up on black anyway. I missed the black at first but I still read all the entries - the commentary is witty enough to stand up to any background

    ReplyDelete