Tuesday, August 23, 2011

junkie poker

It's nice to know I can't take a break for a few goddamn days without yall freaking out.

But I promise that I had a reason!

Being home the past month I've been talking a lot with my mom about "my future" -- Namely how it means finishing school and supporting myself on my own. I promised her I'd really study this year and not take anymore "free" jobs. (I have a habit of working unpaid, thinking the "experience" alone will help me, not realizing that shit only "helps" if it's on an application for another job).

Anyway, with all this in mind I've been feeling kind of panicky and have had to review my options. Unfortunately I realized I'm not articulate enough to be an Anchorwoman, not funny enough for Stand-Up and am so far behind in my studies that I will never get my degree.

And that's why I'm gonna start Gambling.

Few things in this world are chicer than poker, and those things go with it hand-in-hand.

Like, can you name anything hotter than a chain-smoking, Italian Suit-wearing, cash-throwing Gambling Gangster? Poker Players are the ultimate bad-boys, the russian roulettes of men! And duh, they're usually rich.

And that's not all-what about the glamorous women playing in long, red dresses, holding their cards with diamond-filled hands, winking at men across the table between puffs of their Menthol 100s?

Poker is where rude boys meet fast girls, alcoholics meet cash. It's fun, it's sexy and most of all, cool. It's old-school without the irony and it all reeks of delicious cigars! That's why Poker is the best solution to all my [future] financial problems.

The only problem with this plan is that I don't know how to play-yet. That's why I've decided to practice online before trying my luck in Vegas. After searching and searching and searching the "web" (just try to watch True Blood on Megavideo and ads will pop up on their own), I've finally found my favorite online poker site (I even love the name)!

I can totally see myself getting addicted to Pokerjunkie, and we all know I looooove addictions. Really, there are tons of perks to playing poker online. You can screw up in the privacy of your own home (nobody will kill you) and also meet tons of guys (It must double as a dating site)! Best of all, when I cum back to Italy I'll feel right at home in their US poker rooms!

Just watch- by this time next year I'll have a hot poker boyfriend, tons of money and confidence for the Casinos (I hope I'll also be thinner).

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