Wednesday, August 31, 2011


Tomorrow I'm leaving for what will hopefully be my last year in Milan.

I kind of want to not live there anymore already but I still have to finish school (#willneverfinishschool). So I guess while I must, I'll make the most of it, via 

1) Making everyone jealz of my blonde hair,

2) Being a Sexy Sex Columnist.
By some strike of luck I've landed every girl's Dream Job, aka getting paid to tell the whole world about my most intimate vagina-oriented secrets and therefore never having a boyfriend again. 

Luckily I looove sharing too much information about everything and-let's face it-I'll probably stay single regardless. So the fact that I got this job I guess isn't so weird but what is weird is who hired me.Yall probably expect this column to be in some Underground Feminist Newspaper or Commie Porno Mag (I wish) but it's actually gonna be printed in the totally legit/scary Wired Italy.

And that's the problem.

First of all, Wired is a "technology" magazine and the only thing I know about that is that one iPod can't get music from two different computers, which, btw, is annoying. Like, usually when I don't know about something I just make shit up but I feeeel like They might check my 'facts.' 

My second problem is that whatever I write will be translated into Italian so it will therefore probably suck.

The language is completely devoid of humor.

And my biggest problem is that I won't even have a [current] sex life to reference! 

Like, why do yall think I wanna leave Italy?

I've already 'gotten to know' every cute (/ugly) guy in Milan. The only ones I haven't already dated have wives/boyfriends-not that that's stopped me before. Should I start seeing homeless guys? Where do Mob Men hang out?

Unfortunately yall can't find me guys to bang-but if anybody knows any websites/blogs about robots or something, please tell me?

Because I can only write about iPod masturbation so many times before I get Wired-Fired (lol).


  1. so excited for this column, post the english version on your blog/tumblr and i will love you forever (i will anyway lolz)