Tuesday, November 22, 2011


It's a Beautiful Friday Morning in the Early 90's in a Preschool in North Carolina where the Teacher asks the Children to draw what they had eaten for dinner last night. So the [adorable, brilliant] little Immigrant named Tea draws a delicious Pizza. 

And the Teacher's upset. 

"A Pizza?"
"For Thanskgiving?" 
"Sta je TankZiving?"

After getting sent to Time-Out for Anti-Patriotic-Pizza-Propaganda Tea and her Family decide they don't want to get deported so they start celebrating ~This American Holiday~ with another bunch of Croatians who don't eat Turkey or watch Football or talk about Pilgrims but do have tons of Rakija so meeting with them becomes Tea's Thanksgiving Tradition.

Until she moves to Milan.

Tea's first Milanese Thanksgiving is spent with a bunch of American Students who "miss home" and decide to each make One Thanksgiving Dish for each other-so Tea bakes them Vodka Pie and everyone else cooks Fried Chicken.

The following year Those Americans leave so Tea spends Thanksgiving with an Italian Boyfriend who wants to come over to "make dinner" so he tells her to "have ingredients ready at home." Being an Obedient Girlfriend Tea buys a box of spaghetti and tomato sauce thinking he'll be impressed but he actually just yells at her and tells her she's not a "real woman" and that if she want to date Italian Boys she needs to always have [a long list of things Tea's forgotten because she wasn't paying attention] in her kitchen. They break up soon after because his Buddhist Maestro tells him that Tea's a bad influence or something which is actually OK because she was starting to like her other secret boyfriend more anyway.

The next Thanksgiving Tea "DJ's" at a Swinger's Club with a bunch of hot weirdos and pervs and ends up sleeping over at a guy's place without "doing anything" because though she actually kinda used to have a big crush on him she also became good friends with his ex-girlfriend so it was complicated, blah blah blah.

ANYWAY. The point is this Thursday is Thanksgiving again and Tea is tired of it being crappy/random and writing in third person and wants this year to Do It Right so she's asking yall for suggestions that don't involve her cooking eating or sitting at a table or being broken up with? What do yall think.


  1. Thanks giving what exactly? I mean I won't thank for some lousy greasy friend chicken: give me jewels, give me cars, give me real estate and then MAYBE we can dine at the same table. I say 'maybe' cos if you can give me all these things, it means you're rich, over 90 and dead by the time we celebrate thanksgiving.


  2. Bypass all the crappy Thanksgiving traditions: gross holiday food, football, murderous feelings directed towards members of your family. Make a list of all the people/things your thankful for (e.g. Friends, boys, shoes, the Internet etc). This may sound incredibly corny and sentimental, but you may actually find yourself feeling grateful for these things and more positive about life in general (if only momentarily). Try to spend the day surrounded by the people you love because really the other things are only worthwhile if you have someone to share them with. Finally embrace the most important Thanksgiving tradition: getting drunk.