ALL BY MYSELF DON'T WANNA BE

So now that my Putas left me to sit alone in the dark in my room and talk to myself and smell the sheets they slept on till I cry,

I have time to update yall on Last Night's Highly-Anticipated Finger Magazine Launch (Leaked) Party. 

In preparation the girls wanted to make Penis-Shaped cookies,

but everyone knows Russians only cook potatoes and Koreans only eat raw squid so basically the peens turned into a big mush of burnt buttery crap which I ended up eating anyway:

We hosted the party at our favorite Dominican (Cuban? Mexican?) bar best known for impromptu stripping and the Kebaps next door. 

I obviously forgot to bring my camera so I can't show yall any ~details~ till the paparazzi photos are published but I can say it was a Huge Success in that Yulia broke all the glasses, Sue fell asleep on the couch,

and I got rejected by everyone.

Regardless, the zine is totally Major thanks to help from Luca and of course our stunning Cover Boy aka Filip's Uncle-for now we only have ten copies so we're selling them for 50 Euros a piece. 

"50 Euros?! Think of all the cheeseburgers you could buy for that money!" 

I understand. But these are our Special Hanukkah Edition Issues. They're worth it.

Anyway tomorrow I'm off to America so I can't write much because I have tons of dirty clothes to pack for Mom to wash and I still need to watch this video Filip made of me at least another hundred times before I can start: 

See yall in NC!