ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS ALL THIS SHIT I WANT FOR MY BIRTHDAY

Tomorrow I'm turning 24 which means I'm almost turning 25 which means I'm almost turning 30 which means I'm hitting an Important Age which means yall should pay attention:

CRUMPETS 24th BIRTHDAY WISH LIST

THINGS I WANT THAT AREN'T ACTUAL THINGS YOU CAN BUY ME BUT PLEASE HELP ME SOMEHOW ANYWAY 

1) YOUTH[FUL APPEARANCE]

No matter how much cream I use or how often I avoid sleeping face-down I just can't seem to stop getting wrinkles! I asked my Smoother Friends for advice but Filip just said "mayonnaise," Yulia suggested "vodka" and Sue was like, "when I lived in Korea I used to put Slug Slime on my face, which helped. But also my mom is a plastic surgeon and also I'm only 19." #shutup 

2) FUN

Honestly I don't know why I even went back there after what happened last time. 

3) A FUTURE

4) STYLE
My Professor/Thesis Advisor/Fashion Icon insisted I read "How To Have a Lifestyle" by Quentin Crisp so I asked my Mom to order it for me but she was just like, "don't you already have this?" And I was like, "no that was Breaking Dawn."






5) LOVE

  


6) A LIFE