Saturday, December 31, 2011

MY TEENAGE BEDROOM

In addition to drinking with her Dad,


shopping with her Mom,



and gossiping with her Dogs,




I'm happy to say Tea's been pretty busy-moving into her Sister's Old Bedroom,



now that Hers has been taken.



Since moving to Milan Tea's Old Bedroom has been turned into a Pet Motel,




Laundromat




and Experimental Greenhouse. 




And though I'm glad her pets and plants are enjoying this space I'd like to document some of the shit in here before it's ~Lost Forever~




Like Cult Invitations,




Marriage Proposals





And shit in her closet,




Including Myself. 




Nice to meet you! My name is Sleepy and I was a Valentine's Day gift from Tea's First High School Boyfriend. It was rumored he bought me via stealing money from a Church and while I don't know about that I do know he was Hot and Dangerous and made Tea feel very special. In fact, their romance lasted almost a year until she moved on to his Best Friend. Anyway, I've been hanging out in Tea's room close to ten years now so I think I'm qualified to host a tour:




Here are Tea's old records! Pay attention kids, because before Tumblr this is what adolescents used to impress their stupid friends with and what they spent time on when depressed.




Tea found classical music especially helpful in End Of The World Situations such as her Mom catching her skipping school or her gaining two pounds or whatever. She used to spend a lot of time crying on the floor while holding me and listening to this and calling whoever she was in an abusive relationship with at the moment. Those were the best days of my life.




Tea's Comic Books.




As a kid she loved Archie,




and as a teenager she fell in love with a guy named Matt who used to work at Chapel Hill Comics who she'd visit every weekend, dressed age-inappropriate with money to burn, usually on Japanese Graphic Novels she'd have to read backwards and therefore never understood. I remember one day Tea was studying Chemistry in her room with me and Matt was hosting a College Radio show and dedicated a song to Tea. She cried tears of joy. Matt eventually got married and moved away but I've been guarding their memories since.




I'm not sure what this is but I'd like to think Tea stole it in a fit of Teenage Rebellion.




Please excuse me while I order us some Chinese Dumplings and Meth.




I'm opening Tea's ~Secret Drawer~




"Secret" because it holds Gang Memorabilia 


 

and obvz tons of Love Letters From Boys (I'm convincing Tea to do a video post of her reading them all aloud so stay tuned for that).



Oh yeah also she used to collect Sugar Packets from Cafe's Around The World and by "around the world" I mean in Croatia.




Here's a picture from when Tea went to DC to protest the War In Iraq where she actually fell for a boy named Evan who she ended up dating for a few months (not pictured). Who's surprised that she's pigtailed and hugging two cops? Seems she hasn't changed much!




Here are some of Tea's Cds she left behind-I can really relate to The Distillers in that Brody and I are both misunderstood. I'm not a bitch I'm just strong!




"Alternative Girl Thrift Store Crap,"




and Tea's favorite book/movie/underwear combo. 




Tea also used to do "Art," before she discovered Blogspot. It will not be missed.




I love reading Tea's old Diary. It's kind of like The Diary of Anne Frank meets War and Peace meets How To Lose a Guy in Ten Days-There's a lot of troubling stuff in here, not for the faint of heart.




Tea's favorite Punk Rock Box Set, a Sweet Sixteen gift from her Mom (Tea couldn't ask for a car, she didn't know how to drive),




and finally, her Third Grade Yearbook.





I didn't know Tea then but look how chic she was in her overalls and Anna Wintour haircut.




Lolz at Tea ripping out "Will Jordan," she must have been obsessed with him, whoever he is. The depressing thing is Tea still knows basically everyone in this picture: Grace Jones is now married (sorry gurl), Linda is avoiding her "Helping People" in Brooklyn, Robert works at a Mexican Restaurant nearby and Matthew See is probably smoking weed somewhere with his Mom.




And now I'm exhausted.



Monday, December 26, 2011

THE LAST NEW YEARS EVE

The Apocalypse is just days away, Yall.
Here's what will happen:

Sunday, December 25, 2011

BIRTHDAY BANNER

I've just arrived in NC after a long series of flights either seated next to an annoying couple from Naples who kept asking me for food or a lady with a psychotic baby or a bald lesbian who bought me a brioche (which was actually pretty cute) and now I'm really busy petting my Cats but before I move onto my Dogs I just wanna show yall who made my New Banner! It was a birthday gift from a very lovely Marcos Mitchell , a London-Based-Fashion-School-Teenager who describes himself as "fashionsexual," whatever that means. 




Anyway he's super adorable and extremely talented and yall should stalk him in London, or at least on Facebook, like I do. 




Thanx babe <3 

Friday, December 23, 2011

ALL BY MYSELF DON'T WANNA BE

So now that my Putas left me to sit alone in the dark in my room and talk to myself and smell the sheets they slept on till I cry,


I have time to update yall on Last Night's Highly-Anticipated Finger Magazine Launch (Leaked) Party. 


In preparation the girls wanted to make Penis-Shaped cookies,


but everyone knows Russians only cook potatoes and Koreans only eat raw squid so basically the peens turned into a big mush of burnt buttery crap which I ended up eating anyway:


We hosted the party at our favorite Dominican (Cuban? Mexican?) bar best known for impromptu stripping and the Kebaps next door. 


I obviously forgot to bring my camera so I can't show yall any ~details~ till the paparazzi photos are published but I can say it was a Huge Success in that Yulia broke all the glasses, Sue fell asleep on the couch,


and I got rejected by everyone.


Regardless, the zine is totally Major thanks to help from Luca and of course our stunning Cover Boy aka Filip's Uncle-for now we only have ten copies so we're selling them for 50 Euros a piece. 

"50 Euros?! Think of all the cheeseburgers you could buy for that money!" 

I understand. But these are our Special Hanukkah Edition Issues. They're worth it.


Anyway tomorrow I'm off to America so I can't write much because I have tons of dirty clothes to pack for Mom to wash and I still need to watch this video Filip made of me at least another hundred times before I can start: 

video

See yall in NC!

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

HEAVY METAL WEEKEND

Here are some highlights, taken by Filip Adrian:












~~~*** RUSSIA + KOREA 4EVER ***~~~