Hayley Williams is greater than Kim Gordon?
Kelly Clarkson is better than Shanya Twain?
Ke$ha is more relevant than Courtney Love?!
MARIAH CAREY is even comparable to LADY GAGA?! *faints*
Y'ALL. This is UN. ACCEPTABLE. It's just, NO. Who is making these lists? A teenage intern? An anxious hamster? An morbidly obese pug?
No, pugs would know better. But VH1 doesn't, and I don't want them tainting the minds of their viewers! So here's the new list. Here's the REAL list:
The Top 100 Women In Music,
According to Me And Therefore Everyone.
100: Mandy Moore ("Candy" gave me Anorexia)
99: Dolly Parton (it takes a lot of money to look this deep)
98: Anyone who came in #2 on American Idol
97: The Other Destiny's Child(s)
96: The Illiterate Spice Girl
95: The Bulimic Spice Girl
94: The Psychotic Spice Girl
93: The Black Spice Girl
92: The Gay Spice Girl
(as seen left-right duh)
91: Britney Spears (rags to riches to rags #heartwarming)
90: Lindsay Lohan (#relevant)
89: Paris Hilton
88: Kim Kardashian (bye haters)
87: Brandy And Monica (the boy is not even that cute)
86: Vintage Xtina (when she was skinnie)
85: Vintage Jewel (when she was homeless)
84: Vintage Miley (when she was slutty)
83: Fiona Apple ("Criminal" = good for Stripping + #thinspiration)
82: The Red Aunts (songs about poisoning boyfriends)
81: Dixie Chicks (songs about killing ex-husbands)
80: Nicole Westbrook (songs about killing yourself)
79: Aaliyah (first girlcrush via wearing man pants, RIP babygurl)
76: Lil' Kim (first sex pos influence + #slutspiration)
77: Paula Abdul (straight up now tell me where you buy tights)
79: Eve (boob paws = bestiality or body art? who cares?)
78: Brody Dalle (cool via breaking Tim Armstrong's heart #lol)
77: Cyndi Lauper (songs about masturbation)
76: The Puta from The Divinyls (songs about masturbation)
75: Tori Amos (songs about masturbation)
74: Missy Elliot (trashbag fashun and #fatspiration)
73: Kim Deal (boned her bandmates #win)
72: Kim Gordon (didn't bone anyone #sorry)
71: Saoirse Wall
70:
69:
68:
67:
66: sigh
65: Tajci (Balkan Bitches FTW)
64:
63:
62:
61:
60: idk
59:
58:
57:
56:
55:
54:
53:
52: Beyonce
51:
50:
49:
48:
47:
46:
45:
44: wat am i doing
43:
42:
41:
40: Coco
39:
38:
37:
36:
35:
34: Jojo
33:
32:
31:
30:
29:
28:
27:
26:
25: this isn't fun anymore
24:
23:
22:
21:
20:
19:
18: Lydia Lunch (I have touched her)
17: Courtney Love (life coach + I touched her too)
16: Gwen Stefani (spiritual leader + will touch her one day)
14: Lady Gaga in "Just Dance"
13: Lady Gaga in "Poker Face"
12: Lady Gaga in "Eh, Eh, (Nothing Else I Can Say)"
11: Lady Gaga in "Love Game"
10: Lady Gaga in "Paparazzi"
9: Lady Gaga in "Bad Romance"
8: Lady Gaga in "Telephone"
7: Lady Gaga in "Alejandro"
6: Lady Gaga in "Born This Way"
5: Lady Gaga in "Judas"
4: Lady Gaga in "The Edge Of Glory"
3: Lady Gaga in "Marry The Night"
2: Lady Gaga in "You And I"
1: Lady Gaga in "Cake"
(Honorable Mentions: Madonna, Cher, and Prince)
YOU'RE WELCOME