Tuesday, January 3, 2012

GROWN-UP PARTY: THE PASSIVE-AGRESSIVE TYRA BANKS POST

This NYE my parents took me to a Grown-Up Party full of First Generation Immigrant Croatians who have Successful Second Generation Immigrant Children who are My Age but couldn't make it to the party because they have Real Jobs and Relationships. And I could make it but I had to leave early because you know what?

HOW DARE YOU.

HOW DARE YOU JUDGE ME. 

YOU DON'T KNOW WHO I AM.

YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE I'VE BEEN.

OR HOW LONG I'VE BEEN THERE.

HOW DARE YOU SIT ME AT THE CHILDREN'S TABLE.


HOW DARE YOU ASK ABOUT MY JOB.

DO I LOOK LIKE I WANNA WORK.

HOW DARE YOU ASK IF I MAKE ENOUGH MONEY. 

I DON'T.

HOW DARE YOU NOT READ MY BLOG.

HOW DARE YOU ASK WHEN I GRADUATE.

DO I LOOK LIKE I WANT TO GRADUATE.

HOW DARE YOUR KID TELL ME HER MATH TEACHER IS YOUNGER THAN ME. 

EVEN IF SHE IS.

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN.

AND JUST WHO THE HELL DOES HER MATH TEACHER THINK SHE IS.

HOW DARE YOU IMPLY I WANT TO GET MARRIED.

I MEAN DO YOU WANT ME TO VOMIT ON YOUR COUCH OR SOMETHING.

DO YOU WANT ME TO BREAK ALL YOUR DISHES.

AND BLAH BLAH WHATEVER.

WHERE IS THE REST OF THE ALCOHOL.

NO THIS IS NOT TOO MUCH.

NO LIKE, I DRINK ALL THE TIME.

NO REALLY I DO.

YES WELL I'M REALLY BUSY OVER THERE.

YEAH I MEAN MY LIFE IS KIND OF HARD.

WHAT?

NO.

WHAT THE HELL IS GRADUATE SCHOOL.

WHERE'D YOU PUT MY DRINK.

HOW DARE YOU.

YOU KNOW WHAT? 

I'M LEAVING.


BYE.

5 comments:

  1. Hilarious! Love that pic of you at the kiddie table. Classic.

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  2. they dont, those were all my glasses

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  3. Best thing i've ever read, totally inspiring (especially after reading "Twin Peaks"), imma go all out Tea-style punk slut at my next Christian Family Gathering.

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  4. Where did you put my drink? How dare you? :0 lol same things happens to me but I'm GASP 29

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