Anyone who's ever lived in Italy knows that Italians do this thing when they're driving where they try to run you over as you're crossing the street and it doesn't matter if the light is green or red or if you're wearing platform shoes or carrying babies, cars will go out of their way to be all Rihanna in "Man Down." I almost get hit by cars like every day so I'm used to it but last Wednesday it was worse than ever in that after I almost got hit by the same car TWICE, I showed my disapproval via "givin the finger" and I guess that wasn't "appropriate" retaliation for almost dying so the bastards followed me down the street, threw FRUIT AT MY FACE and eventually parked so they could chase me and yell at me till I ran into a restaurant to hide. "IT SHOULDN'T BE LIKE THIS," I thought to myself, as I ate the lunch I was forced to buy, while staring at the pieces of broken apple aimed for my head on the outside street. It shouldn't be like this. Then I realized, it's totez my fault cuz I'm just too "American" and that offends people so I really bring all this trouble on myself! Therefore I'm going Italiana!