"Let's play a drinking game."
"What kind of drinking game?"
"Drink when you see plastic surgery."
"Ok." Filip takes a sip of his Vodka Champagne drink he named Marry The Night.
"I have a better idea," he says, "drink when you see someone hopeless." He drinks again.
It's Fashun Week In Milan and we've just arrived at the Cavalli Party where Anna Dello Russo just finished performing her Fashun Shower song to a crowd of old people with shiny hair and stretchy faces clutching bottles of water and Prada Purses as if their Very Important Lives depended on it.
These are Important People but sadly most of These People don't even appreciate or even know about the Enormous Golden Shoe displayed in San Babila square for Miss Anna, protected by a huge plastic bubble and a bodyguard in a suit.
"His feet are so small!" Filip points to the stage, where Roberto Cavalli is speaking. "And he spits when he talks. That's so chic."
Azealia Banks is performing now and nobody cares because Sharon Stone just literally walked into her on the stage very dramatically (think a Lifetime movie starring Naomi Campbell with styling by Tyra Banks and special soundtrack by Evanescence). She's followed by a team of cameramen who push little Azaelia into the corner (hasn't anybody watched Dirty Dancing before? Don't put Putas in corners).
The good thing about Fashun Week Parties is they're so crowded and so loud that you can literally fart as much as you want and nobody will notice. And the other good thing about Fashun Week Parties is finding out how all the different Chanel perfumes smell when mixed together with sweat and also having the opportunity to see people holding iPads into the air to get a picture of someone sitting in a chair in sunglasses.
Azealia is getting upset that nobody's dancing. And she probably doesn't even know who Sharon Stone is.
"Sorry I'm so short." She yells, into the mic.
"What the hell?" I yell at Filip, who just threw his glass on the floor.
Azealia's show didn't go too well and neither did that party but at least she got to know some Local Hotties while she was here:
Welcome to Italy babe ;)