Monday, November 5, 2012

AN OPEN LETTER TO CHARLES BUKOWSKI

Dear Charles Bukowski,
How are you?
don't answer that,
I don't care.

Dear Charles Bukowski,
I used to like you.
I really liked you.
like, 
I was obsessed,
kind of.
before reading your books.

I mean
I read your books,
obviously.
but I only read some.
and those were good!
they were ~funny~
and I thought YOu were funny, too.
and I wanted to be like you, 
kind of.
without the scars on my face.

Dear Charles,
(can I call you Charles?)

BUT, CHARLES!
but 
now I've read 
your other books,
and.

what the fuck?

What. The. Actual. 
Fuck

is wrong with you?

DEAR CHARLES BUKOWSKI,
NO!
(no)




Charles!
I used to think
that we would be friends.
I thought
you'd be impressed
by how much whiskey 
I can drink.
I used to think that
if we met
you'd listen to my jokes 
and laugh 
or something.

But then, Charles,
I read "Women" 
and I read "a .45 to Pay The Rent"
and read "Too Sensitive"
and I know I shouldn't have, but
I also read "Rape! Rape!" 

And then I threw that book across my bedroom.

Charles,
you talk about women
as if we are literal
pieces
of
poop
and rape 
as if it's like, 
as harmless as
getting a slice of pizza.
(it isn't).

Charles Bukowski!
you hate me! 
for my vagina!
and that's sad.
because I liked you. 
(a lot).
even though you have a dick.
but if you met me 
you wouldn't waste your time 
unless you'd think I'd have nice legs 
that I could "cross high" for you.
and even then you'd just want to yell at me 
or rape me 
or something.

Dear Charles Bukowski,
I hate you.
(but I hate you For A Reason).
and I hope you are sad.
I mean, you're dead, 
so I guess you are.

Charles.
you are not a genius.
Geniuses have the ability to,
you know, 
think.

Dear Charles Bukowski,
if I ever did meet you,
I'd slap your
stupid face.
and not in a sexy way.

Dear Charles Bukowski,

~whatever~

6 comments:

  1. <3
    I get this same sentiment loads when I read old *things*, like I the other day I was reading dracula and its not even meant to be talking about women but anyway its just like, "eww, no don't have a transfusion from her cause she's a she and shes are WEAK." duh.

    But its fine, I'm only ever going to read angela carter anyway. from now on.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I know right!.. i thought and felt the same about charles like yea man you totally said what i was thinking. but now im convinced if he was alive i would be raped, then turned into a poem about how i was some dog thats pussy had teeth. this made me laugh. i just found you too on slutever's blog.

    ReplyDelete
  3. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Aw, shut the hell up you goofy cunt.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Need a tissue, dear?

    ReplyDelete
  6. Repeat to yourselves; It's just a blog, It's just a blog...

    ReplyDelete