Dear Charles Bukowski,
How are you?
don't answer that,
I don't care.
Dear Charles Bukowski,
I used to like you.
I really liked you.
like,
I was obsessed,
kind of.
before reading your books.
I mean
I read your books,
obviously.
but I only read some.
and those were good!
they were ~funny~
and I thought YOu were funny, too.
and I wanted to be like you,
kind of.
without the scars on my face.
Dear Charles,
(can I call you Charles?)
BUT, CHARLES!
but
now I've read
your other books,
and.
what the fuck?
What. The. Actual.
Fuck
is wrong with you?
DEAR CHARLES BUKOWSKI,
NO!
(no)
Charles!
I used to think
that we would be friends.
I thought
you'd be impressed
by how much whiskey
I can drink.
I used to think that
if we met
you'd listen to my jokes
and laugh
or something.
But then, Charles,
I read "Women"
and I read "a .45 to Pay The Rent"
and read "Too Sensitive"
and I know I shouldn't have, but
I also read "Rape! Rape!"
And then I threw that book across my bedroom.
Charles,
you talk about women
as if we are literal
pieces
of
poop
and rape
as if it's like,
as harmless as
getting a slice of pizza.
(it isn't).
Charles Bukowski!
you hate me!
for my vagina!
and that's sad.
because I liked you.
(a lot).
even though you have a dick.
but if you met me
you wouldn't waste your time
unless you'd think I'd have nice legs
that I could "cross high" for you.
and even then you'd just want to yell at me
or rape me
or something.
Dear Charles Bukowski,
I hate you.
(but I hate you For A Reason).
and I hope you are sad.
I mean, you're dead,
so I guess you are.
Charles.
you are not a genius.
Geniuses have the ability to,
you know,
think.
Dear Charles Bukowski,
if I ever did meet you,
I'd slap your
stupid face.
and not in a sexy way.
Dear Charles Bukowski,
~whatever~
<3
ReplyDeleteI get this same sentiment loads when I read old *things*, like I the other day I was reading dracula and its not even meant to be talking about women but anyway its just like, "eww, no don't have a transfusion from her cause she's a she and shes are WEAK." duh.
But its fine, I'm only ever going to read angela carter anyway. from now on.
I know right!.. i thought and felt the same about charles like yea man you totally said what i was thinking. but now im convinced if he was alive i would be raped, then turned into a poem about how i was some dog thats pussy had teeth. this made me laugh. i just found you too on slutever's blog.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteAw, shut the hell up you goofy cunt.
ReplyDeleteNeed a tissue, dear?
ReplyDeleteRepeat to yourselves; It's just a blog, It's just a blog...
ReplyDeleteit's about reading to feel whether it 'pleases' you or not.
ReplyDeleteWhy does this open letter sound to me like a really bad poem?
ReplyDelete