Monday, December 24, 2012

SEXMAS FASHUN 2012

Hey Y'all! I'm back in North Carolina after another thrilling trip involving farting into my plane seat and lying to business men at airport bars in hopes of tricking them into falling in love with me. I'm home now and let me tell you, it's nothing short of a Winter Wonderland full of ordering my Mother to bring me food and petting three cats at once. I'm feeling great and I'm excited-because not only can I now poop without worrying about my two male roommates hearing me but also I can finally dress the way that fits me best: For Home.

Dressing For Home is a delicate art mastered by Slavic people and War Criminals and it can be confusing for some, so I'm here to offer tips!

4 Ways To Dress For 4 Home Situations: SeXMas Edition!

1) Sultry Stuff
Whether you're inviting your high school ex-boyfriend over for a little romp in memory lane or just having a sexy time by yourself with your Dad's computer, a sweet pair of velvet Juicy Couture sweatpants are key. Here I am modeling my new pair in my old Bedroom. Ah, memories. 



2) Business Casual
Just because you're at home doesn't mean you can forget about all of your obligations, you lazy piece of shit! So throw on some practical Ikea slippers, a fancy Old Navy Knit and thrift store sweatpants you won't mind wiping your nose on after you spend the next few hours crying over the fact that you're probably going to lose your job because nobody likes your writing.


3) The Great Outdoors
I can not believe you just finished all of the Russian Salad your Mom is going to kill you she was saving that for tomorrow's big dinner, what are you going to do? RUN! Run to the neighbor's house and hide out behind their Christmas tree! Just keep in mind that at least two days will pass before your family notices you're gone, so wear a warm bathrobe. 


4) Party Time, Excellent
Your cats friends are calling you and your dogs  boyfriends are sexting you and they all want your attention NOW and they won't wait and you have to impress them! So slip into your Nike shorts to show off your legs before they get fat this week. 



MERRY SEXMAS Y'ALL 

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