Saturday, March 31, 2012

MARCH MADNESS PT 9: DAY IN THE LIFE OF TEA

So I kind of didn't want to do this request via wanting yall to think my life is really fun and glamorous and exciting and knowing that making a video about it would actually disprove all those thoughts: 








BUT I love yall and figured ~whatevz~ and made a video yesterday showing all the shit I did so I hope yall are happy. Because I'm not. 






PS-I'm selling out and moving to Youtube so try to tell all your friends or whatevz <

Thursday, March 29, 2012

MARCH MADNESS PT 8: BIRTHDAY GAGA

I was waiting for the ~Right Time~ to make a video about Gaga:




and her Birthday seemed perfect especially since the letters and pictures and cats and live tissue samples I sent her were returned to me.


Wednesday, March 28, 2012

TALENTS AT TEA SLIME

So I just got back from London to see that my New Column's up at Swide:




After like ten months of ~negotiating~ we finally agreed I could write for them again if I basically stop writing about myself and under the condition that they choose the title, which in my opinion sounds like something that would come on public access television sometime before Oprah (I wanted the column to be called "Village Virus" or "We Came Here To Leave" but I guess those aren't D&G Friendly) but it's cool cuz I'll try to contrast all that via adding pictures of my butt or whatever. 




My first article is about the super amazing, super hot Francesco Merlini, a photographer famous in Milan for his mustache :) 




PS- There's only a few days of March Madness left and I'm gonna do as many last requests as possible-stay tuned :@) 

Friday, March 23, 2012

MARCH MADNESS PT 7: LONDON PACKING

Packing for London is a great opportunity to address another of yall's requests:




I didn't wanna make out with my clothes via lipstick stains but I did kind of dry hump them:


MARCH MADNESS LONDON PACKING from CRUMPETS on Vimeo.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

MARCH MADNESS PT 6: THE CRUMPETS CROATIAN

Yall wanted Croatian lessons




And I realize that by that yall probably meant "Croatian Language Lessons" so I tried to do that but I was really bad at it and reminded myself of Ms. Smith, my Spanish Teacher in High School, who only kept us from being bored to death by giving us Jolly Ranchers as "prizes" but I can't really give yall candy through the Internet so I tried to talk more about Croatia In General and add some words in there or whatever:


Saturday, March 17, 2012

MARCH MADNESS PT 5: THE CRUMPETS DIET

Some of yall requested me to discuss my Eating Habits 



and at first I didn't want to do it because it's something that's still kind of "difficult" for me to really talk about since the past ten years of my life have kind of been spent either trying to recover from Anorexia or desperately hoping I can go back to it or thinking 5 kilos is the end of the world and stuff but I think it's also important to talk about things like this and try to make them funny even though they aren't.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

MARCH MADNESS PT 4: DATING DO'S AND DONT'S

My fourth March Madness Prompt comes from none other than my Croatian Superstar and Little Monster, Mislav, writing all the way from Glamorous Sisak.




Mislav is a brilliant boy so I'm surprised he'd think I'd have any insight on something I'm so desperately hopeless at but whatever. 


Monday, March 12, 2012

MARCH MADNESS PT 3: DEPRESSED HAIRDYE TUTORIAL

My third March Madness Video is about dying my hair.


But I guess it's more about Depression. 


MARCH MADNESS PT 2: CRUMPETS TOURS MILAN

So the next thing I chose off yall's List Of Things For Me To Do This Month was the "Touring Milan" thing. 




I got Filip to help me film and stuff and we were really excited about it but then we realized that we kinda don't like museums and we don't have any money to go to restaurants or buy things or take the metro anywhere cool or whatever and we didn't really have a Plan so we kinda just walked around and let the Full Moon Lead Us to Anna Dello Russo and Aperitivo and phone calls with Berlusconi. 






Send me more tips, yall, got twenty days left x

Friday, March 9, 2012

MARCH MADNESS PT 1: MAKEUP TUTORIAL

I got some really good suggestions for what I should blog about this month so I guess I've got my Work Cut Out For Me and if I owned a nice pair of stockings I'd start with this:




but I don't though I've got tons of makeup. 




Give me more suggestions, yall!

Thursday, March 8, 2012

MARCH MADNESS (THE CRUMPETS EXPERIMENT)

Last month I had to study a lot so I "didn't have time to write" so I just posted a video every few days which was super easy because I love filming myself or whatever but now my exams are over till June and I don't even have a real job so I don't have an excuse not to post something every day but it's like, I have nothing to say! The most exciting thing that's happened to me recently is something I'm not allowed to link here via humiliating my family (obvz) and my Personal Life is about as interesting as it ever was [cats] and I'm not even on any kind of new crazy diet or anything so this time I need yall's help! 


I want yall to give me requests. Like, dare me to do things so I can write about and/or film myself doing them! Obviously I don't mean anything that will like, kill me (#youwish) or get me deported or thrown in jail because I don't think prisons have WIFI. I mean stuff like trying new placenta-based face masks or testing horrible pickup lines on children or stealing shoes from Anna Dello Russo or working undercover at McDonald's, you know? I promise I'll do [some of] what yall ask me to-this month I'm at yall's mercy-so give me your worst AND DON'T LET ME DOWN.




Edit: Don't be as creepy as first comment below-remember Young, Innocent Lady Gaga fans read this blog, too.

Saturday, March 3, 2012

DATING 2021

There was a short time in my Prime when I could walk into any bar or pharmacy or nursing home and just wink or smile or breathe and pick up anyone I wanted and now I guess I'm just the type of girl guys hang out with till they meet their wives. 


Thursday, March 1, 2012

ORLANDO "OUR ONLY BAR IS DENNY'S" FLORIDA

Hey yall sorry it's been a while-I'm with my Family in NC this week after a few ~Hot&Heavy~ days in Florida which taught me that:

1) Italians steal from Flight Attendants.


2) Americans don't like Thieves  Italians.



3) Both of them hate me. 




4) Nothing tastes as good as being wasted on an empty stomach feels.




5) Nothing feels as good as tasting Italian.




6) Nothing tastes as good as stealing from Bars.




7) You don't need a new American Apparel Bikini when you have OVS Underwear.



8) Mannequin Hookers are lonely. 




9) Pretending to read books attracts attention from gays, children. 




10) That is not a Pepsi.




11) Italians think "Leo from Titanic" is a look.




12) Americans think "Lots More" is a food.




13) Croatians think they're cute. 




14) They think they're like Sasha Grey.




15) They think they're Lady "It's not an Egg it's a Vessel" Gaga.




16) They think they're Lindsay "I'm clean and sober" Lohan. 




17) They think they're all goddamn Pamela "I love cats more than humans" Anderson. 




18) People from Italy want to get laid.




19) People from Switzerland don't.




20) There's no point going to Disney World when you have Cartoon Network in your room and also all Ducks are Assholes.