Sunday, April 29, 2012

STUDY TIPS 2012

Hey yall! I'm back in Milan and totally flipping out over the fact that school is starting again and I have like twenty exams next month and like a kabillion more in June and then my Thesis (what's that) and that I'll probably never graduate or ever find a Real Job or a way to afford Gaga tickets.

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

PUT A SCHNITZEL ON IT

Today my parents took me to Slovakia and I didn't meet any Vampires but I got kinda fat which is funny because everyone there is starving? 



PS- The way my face is in this video thumbnail is basically how it looks all the time. 

Monday, April 23, 2012

TEA GOES HOME

Ok, fine. 


IN WHICH I WRITE ABOUT FILIP AND WHY I'VE BEEN ~THE WORST BLOGGER EVZ~

Hey guys! I know I haven't blogged in ~forever~ and I'm sure yall have switched yall's homepages from Crumpets to Blonde Salad already and I know I deserve that but let me explain! Last week I was in Croatia visiting My Cousin's Baby 




and teaching my Other Cousins how to wink 




and now I'm in Vienna with my Mom and Dad 




and with all this travel and lack of internet and Important Family Time it's kinda hard to be like "see yall later I'm gonna go write stuff for putas I don't know" but I have something important to show yall so I'm making an exception tonight:




Yall know I'm writing a new column for SWIDE in which I talk about Young Talented People in Milan so obviously Filip is one of them-so read his interview HERE and watch his Life's Story Below:



and if I only had more winona from Filip Adrian on Vimeo.

I'll try to post more soon after I eat this strudel or whatevz. 

Monday, April 16, 2012

CRUMPETS MEETS LANA

Lana Del Rey came to Milan a few nights ago and I had high hopes:




Turns out she was disappointing. 




Yes, yes I can.

Saturday, April 14, 2012

HANGOVER DIARIES

Just about a year ago I was the type of girl who lived from one party to another, got all her nutrients from happy hour buffets, knew everyone she knew from clubs and got a few minutes of sleep a day during taxi rides. Now I guess I'm the type of girl who can't tell drugs from water and will spend an entire day weeping at home over the fact that she peed on her shoes. 

Friday, April 13, 2012

I'M A RICH BITCH BABY (HOW I'LL SPEND MONEY I FOUND ON THE GROUND)

It's a cold afternoon in Milan and Filip and I are just exiting Zara on our way to Arnold's coffee and I'm lamenting over how I can't afford a pair of 27 Euro shorts and worrying if I can allow myself to buy a Chai Latte when I look down on the ground and see two abandoned crisp 50 Euro bills begging to be picked up.


"Here, take this," I say, as I push one into Filip's hand.
"What is this?"
"Just keep walking!"
"Did you find this on the ground?"
"Jesus loves us."
"This is the best day of our lives."
"I know."




How should we spend our money?

Should we buy some new shoes?
Lana Del Rey CDs?
Gummy bears?
American Apparel leggings?
A bottle of champagne?
Anti-wrinkle cream?
Botox?
Fake LV handbags?
Some baby kittens?
A day at the spa?
Sushi buffet?
Moleskin notebooks?
A juicer?
A microwave?
Vitamin supplements?
Diet pills?
Hot dogs?
Bikini waxes?
Teeth whitening strips?
Fake nails?
Self-respect?
Business cards?
Gluten-free cookies?
Ikea towels?
New boyfriends?


Or one Lady Gaga ticket we'll fight to the death for?





Thursday, April 12, 2012

CRUMPETS BOOK CLUB

As yall know I've been traveling a lot lately which means I've had lots of time to read on trains and in airplanes and while hiding in the bathrooms of the apartments of whoever I'm visiting while they have sex. Anyway, I'm going to Croatia next week and need a new book for that trip but I just spent the last of my money on onions (going on an onion diet to get rid of my Tuscany weight #hateyoufilip) so I've been looking through my old ones: 

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

UNDER THE TYRA SUN: THE RETURN

Hey yall! So I know I said I'd only stay in Tuscany a few days but OBVZ Filip and his parents couldn't stand the thought of me staying for less than a week (who else would finish All That Cake) so I just got back yesterday and I'm totally overwhelmed by the internet via not having access to it all week and really want to catch up with all of yall but I can't write much now because my fingers have gotten so fat over there that it's difficult for me to type but anyway here's a video or whatevz! 






I missed yall so much xo

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

UNDER THE TYRA SUN

Tomorrow morning I'm going to Tuscany to meet Filip because he's there for Easter Break because that's where he grew up in a town called "Follonica" which is basically just an Adele song or something because I'm sure it doesn't exist. 




Anyway I'll be there for the next few days and from what Filip's told me they don't have internet there and they probably don't even have phone lines, like, him and I have been communicating via Messenger Pigeons the past few days but I don't have enough pigeons for all of yall so I guess this is the last you'll hear from me till Friday? So just turn off your computers now because what's the point? I'll miss yall! ;-*