Tuesday, July 30, 2013

I'm a genie in a bottle you gotta distract me the right way

I used to think the hardest thing in the world was walking in sling-backs until I realized the hardest thing in the world is getting myself away from my boyfriend long enough to make a video. 



I think I finally understand why Yoko is blamed for the Beatles breakup. Not that it's all her fault, but, John couldn't just be like, "look, babe, I haven't uploaded a Youtube video in weeks and I have a new wig I still need to try out and it's really hard creating a character for it when you're giving me massages all the time," because she'd be like, "it's cool, dude, I totally get it, I'll go to the other room," and he'd be like, "f'ing finally," and then he'd stare at his computer and take a photobooth selfie and delete it immediately and try to film himself dancing but feel embarrassed and crawl around on the floor and sit in a corner and hug his knees and start crying until he couldn't see through the tears and crawl to the other room and be all, "why are you so far away, I love you and hate myself," and she'd be like, "I was waiting for you to say that, and by the way, I checked what's left of your blog and you've lost a thousand more followers in the past ten minutes."

Here's my plan for trying to get my man to help me help myself not fall off the face of the internet:

DISTRACT YOUR BOYFRIEND SO YOU CAN DO THINGS TO DISTRACT YOURSELF FROM THE FACT THAT YOU AREN'T FAMOUS YET

1) Sleep
Naps can last for hours so you can have plenty of time to wonder where your creativity went while he can  rest his spirit and refresh his mind. After a nap today my boyfriend said, "I'll love you forever, while you're young."



2) Toys
Ew, not those, this is a family-friendly blog and by that I don't mean the kind that involves people doing things that make families. Ok, he actually bought me this camera but I let him pretend that it's his sometimes #bestgf



3) Food
Take your boyfriend out and by that I mean let him take you out so he can stare at his phone the whole time while you push your salad around while deciding what to title that book you've told everyone about but haven't started ~actually~ writing yet. 





4) Play
And by that I mean let him punch you sometimes because that means he loves you. 


video

3 comments:

  1. your boyf is both hot AND adorable

    i more than understand why you haven't been updating

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. he also has immaculately shaped eyebrows- a perfect match for tea by anyone's standards

      Delete
  2. My life- #3- although not nearly as wicked clever.

    ReplyDelete