Thursday, January 31, 2013

STRIKE A LOLZ THERE'S NOTHING TO IT

Now that I'm back in Milan I will finally start posting writing and videos regularly I PROMISE because let's face it now that I'm not with my mom I have nobody to talk to anyway. PS-here's me teaching y'all how to VOGUE you first have to listen to me talk about myself for like a few minutes sorry I'm not sorry.

PPS-has my butt gotten bigger? It has, hasn't it? Thanks MOm :(

Sunday, January 20, 2013

SAY YES TO STRESS

I have to go back to Milan in a week and I haven't finished my thesis meanwhile my master's classes have already started and I still don't have a real job and I'm still not even famous yet but at least I don't have AIDS.

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

struggle street

Hey y'all! My thesis is due in two days (I have to send it to Italy via Express Mail because I'm an idiot and didn't know it would be due while I'm still here? whatever) and I still have soooo many tweets to copy/paste into it before I'm done so I'll have to make this post quick. I just got back from NYC yesterday and here's what I can say:



Boys like Yulia. She has hot guys coming over like every second even though the inside of her refrigerator looks like Cat Marnell's (just replace the pill bottles with film rolls). 



They even sleep over sometimes even though instead of an actual mirror she has a large piece of tin foil on her wall.



They even do her makeup and refuse to eat whatever take-out food she brings them for breakfast therefore leaving it all for her  me.



Everybody is a lesbian now, which makes me feel left out and also sorry about the fact that I just invested so much money in birth control.



The city is dangerous and full of crime and I could tell via the dead bodies. 



Devonte Hynes aka Blood Orange is a liar because he said he watched the first three episodes of GIRLS because he "went to the premiere" but he won't tell me what happens in them (???) and also at one point claimed Justin Timberlake is a #relevant musician. Suspicious behavior if I've ever seen it.  



People are dumb. Like, some dude stopped me on the street on the way back to NC and asked me if I'm Lady Gaga (which I would have taken as a compliment before she gained weight) and so I was like "yes" because I figured after I spoke he would GET that I'm joking but actually then he just asked me if he could take a picture with me and I was like obvi and he was like my girlfriend makes gold rings and we'd love to give one to you and I was like ok thanks and then he told me I'm doing great things and shook my hand and he left (I am doing great things).



I feel bad for the dude, because when he posts that picture, everyone will be like, "that's not Lady Gaga, you dumbass, that's OBVIOUSLY Tea Hacic-Vlahovic!!" 


(That's not The Dude w/me, that's Yulia laughing at him asking me for a picture That Very Second). 

Anyway bro if you see this I'm still totes interested in those rings. 

Thursday, January 10, 2013

IT HAPPENED TO ME: I MISSED MEN'S FASHION WEEK FOR 'GIRLS'

It Happened To Me: I Missed Milan's Men's Fashun Week!

I mean, I'm missing it, right now. 

YES, really! I know, I know, "but how, and why?" You're asking yourself-you're so confused!!!



WHERE will the models sleep? (lol "sleep")
WHO will touch their butts?



HOW will their peens survive?
WHY is this happening???



WELL-I'm still in America this month and I'm here this month so I can go to New York this weekend so I can be there to watch the first episode of the new season of GIRLS!!! 



Also I guess I will do some New Yorky stuff idk.



I guess I'm just writing this post to apologize to everyone crying over my absence in Milan (and to my poor mailbox obviously OVERFLOWING with invitations to all the #exclusive #fashun #shows) and also tell y'all I probz won't be posting anything till I get back but that when I do I'll almost definitely have a job at HBO so it's #worthit



K bye for now, love y'all 4ever 

Thursday, January 3, 2013

I WROTE FOR XOJANE OR WHATEVER

When I was just a lil preteen reading JANE magazine at coffee shops in Chapel Hill I never would have expected to write for Jane Pratt's website if only because back then websites didn't really exist, but whatever. Anywayz, after obsessing over the site I wrote some obsessive emails to the editors who allowed me to write some crap for them. Here's my first article, which is about fashun, and not my vagina, for once: